


Take a Chance

by ClomWrites



Series: Bly Drabbles [13]
Category: The Haunting of Bly Manor (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Eventual Smut, F/F, Lesbian Tinder, Like so much, There will be so much smut in later chapters, seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:14:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 33,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27948890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClomWrites/pseuds/ClomWrites
Summary: Dani really just wants to meet a girl and get laid. When Jamie comes in to her life thanks to a new dating app, things get a little more complicated than she could ever have anticipated.Rated E for later chapters
Relationships: Dani Clayton & Jamie, Dani Clayton/Jamie
Series: Bly Drabbles [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1993213
Comments: 967
Kudos: 1194





	1. Swipe Right

**Author's Note:**

> If you are a writer, whatever you do, do NOT look at the comments that Asesome89 leaves in your inbox. Not only will they be excellent comments but they will also contain writing prompts that immediately latch on to your brain and burrow in like a parasitic worm. 
> 
> Then you'll find that you've written 5000 words of a FIRST CHAPTER and while you could make it at 40,000 word one shot, I'm not the brilliant wordsmith that does that around here. 
> 
> Instead I figured you could enjoy it while I write the SECOND chapter. 
> 
> I intend for there to be a hell of a lot of smut in later chapters. Some of them will probably just be pure porn. 
> 
> CN for some very, very barely there transphobia that's shot down immediately.

Chapter 1

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Yes,” says Dani, with absolute certainty. She’s peering at her phone, thumb hovering over the app she has just downloaded. Just a little lavender swirl with the name ‘Greet’.

“I mean, can’t you just do this the old fashioned way? Meet someone, go out a few times, get to know them?” Rebecca sounds concerned.

“Jesus Becs. It’s 2019, get with the times. If she wants a hook-up, let the girl have a hook-up.” Jenna, Bec’s unapologetically wild room room mate is definitely Dani’s best ally in this situation.

Rebecca chews her lip. “Its just. It’s your first time. Don’t you want to meet someone? Know them a bit first?”

Dani doesn’t look at her, just keeps staring at her phone. “I will be meeting someone. And then I’ll be kissing them. And then there will be sex.”

“This doesn’t sound like you. It’s all I’m saying. This seems like a major departure from Dani.”

Dani sighs. “That’s why Becs. I’m so tired of being me. I’m finally out, I’m finally ready and I want to know what it’s like. Without worrying about all the -” she waves her hand flappily around the room “- other stuff.”

“You like the other stuff.”

“Then I can find the other stuff later. Right now I just want to know what sex with a woman is like.”

Dani lets her thumb hit the app and watches as it opens.

“Right, login in screen. Need a user-name.”

“Poppins.” Both Rebecca and Jenna say with finality. It’s an old joke, borne off the brief time she spent as a nanny to some rich Londoners before finding her feet at the school where she met Becs. As nicknames go, she thinks she can do worse and it’s not taken so scant minutes and confirmation emails later, she’s in.

“Gotta pick some photos,” she murmurs. “Oh god. This is too much pressure.”

“Whip your top off and we’ll get some good ones,” grins Jenna evilly. “If it’s sex you’re after…”

“Yeah, I’d like to save something for the imagination!”

“Use that one I took of you on London Bridge, you’re gorgeous in that,” says Rebecca, chewing on a carrot stick.

Dani takes a deep draught of her Shiraz and brings the photo up. She does look good in it, relaxed, smiling, leaning against the railing. “I’m wearing sunglasses though.”

“So we’ll look for one without for the next one.”

She clicks the bridge photo and then continues to scan through her phone until Becs yells “Stop!”

“That one. Definitely that one.” Jenna agrees.

“Really? It’s just me looking at the camera. I think I took it for work?” It’s a nice photo. She’s in front of a red door, and you can just, barely, see the upper ear piercing she got upon liberating herself from her previous life.

A rebellion – her mother had called it. Freedom is what Dani had called it.

She throws the photo in.

Another drink of Shiraz and she thinks she might, possibly, be ready to start.

Rebecca and Jenna settle either side of her on the couch, as she leans forward and clicks on to the filter part of the app. She clicks within 30 miles because who wants to commute for a one night stand, and then she hovers over the rest of it.

“Age,” Jenna says. “Find someone your age.”

“That’s not fair!” Rebecca protests. “Someone older may have more experience.”

“Sure, if she wants to go to bed with an Indigo Girl in a mullet.”

“That’s a stereotype!”  
  


Dani ignores them and clicks 20-40 in the age range. She’s rather annoyed there’s a weight filter, but leaves it empty and then hovers over the ‘What Are You After’ prompt. Eventually she digs out some courage and clicks ‘casual’

“Mistake!” Rebecca claims over her shoulder, but she’s several screwdrivers in so Dani just ignores her again.

Clicking the ‘Find Now’ button gives her butterflies.

“It’s fine,” Jenna pats her on the shoulder. “You don’t have to swipe on anyone.”

“True,” she murmurs back. But she wants to. She’s gotten up all the courage to do this tonight, flanked by her wing-women and a hefty dose of red wine. She’d like it to go _somewhere_ if possible.

The first three profiles that pop up are not for her. There’s a strange aggression to them that makes Dani uneasy. Confidence is good, she thinks, but she doesn’t know that she wants to meet up with an All-British Shagging Champion, as one profile proclaims.

The fourth one is a rather pretty blonde, sporty and with a great profile in sunlight.

“Nope,” says Jemma. “Look, trans.”

Both Dani and Rebecca turn to look at her. “Seriously?”

“What? I thought you were after-”

Dani rolls her eyes and cuts her off. “Wow, massively transphobic or what! Women are women, that’s a woman.” She looks at the profile a little closer. “And, no.”

“See!” Says Jenna.

Dani points to the small line that says ‘Tie me up and whip me till I bleed’ – “Each to their own but that’s not quite what I’m after. Couldn’t care less if she’s trans, but the whipping is a no.” She swipes left.

It is at that point that the breath stops in her chest.

“Wow,” says Rebecca, sitting up straight.

“Uh, double wow,” says Jenna.”

Dani just stares. She feels her heart beating in her chest, hard, like it wants out of its cage.

“Is she holding a flower?” Jenna remarks. “Bit cliché isn’t it.”

“Not when your profile says you’re a gardener,” Rebecca retorts.

  
Dani can’t talk. There’s something about the dark haired woman that has her trembling. She wouldn’t even say that it was because she was stunning, even though, she absolutely was. There was just a casual beauty to her that made Dani want to reach out and touch the screen.

A quick scan told her that ‘Leafling’ was 29, a gardener, liked tea and was after casual. No further information offered

She sat, frozen, still staring at the single profile picture offered.

“OK you have to hit that.”

“You do. Dani, this is the first decent one you’ve found.”

“We’ve only looked at five,” says Jenna. “But yes, _hit that_.”

Dani still hesitates. Somehow this has gone from zero to one hundred in the space of seconds. She’d been kind of hoping for around sixty, to ease herself in. This profile though, this woman, is speeding ticket territory.

“Swipe babe. Swipe.”

“No way is she going to swipe back,” Dani murmurs.

“Hey, don’t talk yourself down like that. You’re a catch. And you’re hot.” Rebecca pats her on the back.

“Yeah, I’d do you,” Jenna smirks, making them both turn and look at her again. “I mean, you know, if I liked women and all.”

Dani shakes her head, and goes back to the profile. She might, Dani thinks, be a bit too good looking.

It’s then that Rebecca reaches over her shoulder and swipes right.

“Becs!”

“What?! You weren’t going to and I’m here to help you make the most of your opportunities.”

“Oh my god. Oh my god,” Dani puts her phone down. “I can’t… oh boy.”

“I thought you wanted this!”

“I do but… she is out of my league. And now I’ve swiped and oh God.”

Jenna shrugs. “She’s not, but if she thinks so, she’ll swipe left and therefore is an asshole you don’t need to see pucker. If she swipes right, then she knows you’re A Grade and you have nothing to worry about.”

Dani would like to believe her, but she’s still shaking.

“Lets see some more?” Becs is slurring a bit now.

“No. No I think I need a break,” Dani says. She makes sure her phone screen is locked and slips it in her pocket, standing up and walking the apartment small living area shaking her hands back and forth. “Oh god I swiped on someone.”

“You swiped on hot gardener,” Jenna corrects. “Imagine that fucking you into the mattress. Geez. Maybe I like women a bit after all.”

Dani’s brain does that thing where for a second, it goes white hot with flashes as Jenna’s words hit home. She doesn’t even imagine it, just the words are enough for her palms to sweat and the anxiety to peak. Who was she kidding? Yes she’d come out. Yes she’d declared her intent to date women, possibly not women, but definitely women, and yes she’d thought she was ready but now that she’s dipped just the barest toe in the water, she’s having second thoughts.

What if she wasn’t enough? What if she was terrible in bed? What if…

In her pocket, she feels the barest vibration. A notification. Her head darts up, as she stumbles out of her thoughts and looks at Jenna and Becs, who are still on the couch and now discussing the finer points of whether or not strap on sex was like sex with a real penis.

Dani does not, as it turns out, need to hear this conversation.

“I’m going home.”

“It’s nine o’clock.”

“Yes, but I’m currently having a heart attack and really, really, really need the time out.”

Becs stands up, looking concerned. “Hey, are you ok? I’m sorry.” She comes up, puts her hands on Dani’s biceps, looking into her eyes.

“I’m… I’m ok. Just need some time to think.”

Becs nods. “You don’t ever need to do anything you want yeah. Ten seconds and you can delete the whole app.”

  
Dani nods. It’s good advice, true advice.

Becs calls her an uber, and insists on putting her in it herself. It’s only in the quiet backseat of the car that Dani dares to pull her phone out of her pocket and open the notification.

_Leafling wants to chat_.

**************************

It is safe and warm in the tiny shared flat that Dani co-rents with Tim. He’s an Australian chef who sleeps all day, works all night and leaves her delicious leftovers. He’s not untidy, they barely share the space at the same time and he seems to keep his conquests elsewhere so it’s been working quite well. Dani would love her own place but there’s no way she could afford it on a teachers salary in London.

Her bedroom is a sanctuary, and she forces herself to get ready for bed, into comfortable pyjamas and face washed, teeth brushed, before pulling out her phone again.

She opens the app, and there’s a new tab down the bottom.

The gardener has swiped right.

She clicks on it, before she can think better of it, and a small chat window opens up with the name Leafling in green.

_Poppins: Hi._

There’s a pause, and for a moment Dani is both simultaneously fearful that it’s too late and she’ll have to wait for tomorrow, and also that a reply will happen right now and she’ll have to face it. Then, that terrible curse, the typing ellipses appears.

_Leafling: Hi._

… _._

_Leafling: Witty conversationalists aren’t we._

Dani laughs, out loud, and feels her panic settle down a little.

_Poppins: Sorry. I’ve never spoken to a leaf before so I wasn’t sure how to start._

_Leafling: It’s alright. I’ve never spoken to a magical flying fictional character either. Was a bit afraid you may hit me with your umbrella._

_Poppins: Umbrella safely stowed at the front door. You’re all good._

_Leafling: I promise to behave. For now._

Dani’s heart rate jumps. Flirting. OK. Well, that makes sense.

_Poppins: I have a very stern teacher voice you know. I won’t hesitate to use it._

Oh god, was that too much? That was too much right?

_Leafling: You say that like it’s a bad thing._

Not too much. Maybe too much now that Dani’s head is on fire again, but not too much.

_Poppins: Are you really a gardener?_

_Leafling: I am. Are you really a P.L. Travers novel?_

_Poppins: Sorry to disappoint. I really am a teacher though. Used to be a nanny, hence the nickname._

_Leafling: I like it. Rolls off the tongue._

That brings Dani images of rolling tongues and that, she decides, may be too much imagining for tonight. She settles back against her pillows and crosses her legs.

_Poppins: Doing anything interesting?_

_Leafling: Talking to a blisteringly hot woman online. You?_

Dani smiles again. It’s a line, and it makes her blush, but it also makes her smile.

_Poppins: Trying to remember how to flirt._

There’s a brief pause, and then the ellipses appears. Then it disappears and reappears and disappears and Dani thinks she may have a stroke before,

_Leafling: Seem to be doing OK from this angle._

_Poppins: Glad to hear it. Most of my daily interactions are with fourth graders._

_Leafling: Pretty sure you’re not supposed to flirt with them._

_Poppins: I DON’T. Hence my concern._

_Leafling: Most of my daily interactions are with plants, so you’re still doing better than me. Although if my charges annoy me I can always just cut their heads off._

_Poppins: Yeah, they’re not happy when I try that._

_Leafling: Might pull the other wee gremlins into line though, make an example of one._

_Poppins: The paperwork alone is prohibitive._

_Leafling: Oh, pernicious paperwork. Best not chance it then. Probably shouldn’t take child rearing advice from me either._

_Poppins: I’m pretty glad I don’t have to rear them. Just mold their little minds and throw them back at the end of the day._

_Leafling: Sounds a bit like gardening really. I can’t make a tomato grow cucumbers, but I can make it grow really nice tomatoes._

Dani thinks it may be the most understood she’s ever felt in one sentence.

_Poppins: Most people think teachers are just glorified babysitters._

_Leafling: Most people think Brexit was a good idea._

_Poppins: I’m not from England so that one confused the hell out of me for a long time._

_Leafling: Intriguing. Am I to guess where you’re from? Give me some clues at least._

_Poppins: That would be showing my true colors._

_Leafling: Aaaah, American.  
_

_Poppins: Hey! How did you figure that out so fast._

_Leafling: You can’t spell colours._

Dani stares at the chat, and grins.

_Poppins: Got me._

_Leafling: Have you been here long?_

_Poppins: Nine months. Still settling in I guess._

_Leafling: Looking for someone to show you the ways of Merry Old England?_

Dani types a sentence and then hovers over the send button. It is definitely the most forward thing she has ever typed in her entire life.

_Poppins: Looking for someone to show me the way around an English girl._

…

…

…

_Leafling: Bold._

_Poppins: Too bold?  
_

_Leafling: Definitely not. Might be a bit late to take you on a tour tonight, if you’re interested that is._

Dani breathes out, unaware that she’d been holding one in for some time. She’s shaking again, can’t believe this has all happened, but now there’s a distinct frisson of excitement running under. Leafling, it turns out, is not just gorgeous, but funny and seemingly smart. It’s a powerful, if dangerous combination.

_Poppins: I’m interested. Are you free Friday evening?_

_Leafling: I am._ _Could be persuaded to meet up._

_Poppins: Sounds suspiciously like we’re making plans to do so then._

_Leafling: Would it be rude if I asked to meet somewhere public first? Just to make sure you’re not the second iteration of Ted Bundy and you can check I’m not Jill the Ripper?_

_Poppins: That seems like a smart idea. I’m still_ _relatively_ _new to London, you want to pick somewhere?_

_Leafling: There’s a bar called A Batter Place. Pretty easy to find._

She drops the address into the chat and Dani rubs her thumb over it, checking. Not too far from her flat actually.

_Poppins: Seven? Is there a dress requirement for a baseball restaurant?_

_Leafling: Baseball?_

_Poppins: Batter – as in, batter up._

_Leafling: Oh. No. We don’t really do baseball over here. It’s the worlds worst baking pun. They do amazing cakes._

_Poppins: Well now I feel like an idiot_

_Leafling: Still looking OK from this angle. It’s nice to have a fresh perspective on things, no need to apologise for being yourself._

Dani can’t help but look back at the small icon with that face in it again. Who was this woman?

_Leafling: Casual dress. I think that’s in line with what we both said we wanted right. Casual?_

Dani can’t help but blush at that one too. She’s spent this short conversation falling deeply in like with a basically anonymous human and now her initial plans have been brought back into view.

Well. If she’s going to do a one night stand, surely she can do worse than a fucking gorgeous Brit with a sense of humour.

_Poppins: Casual then. See you Friday? Best get some sleep, school starts early._

_Leafling: Sleep well. Don’t let those gremlins run you ragged. See you Friday._

And then, to save Dani the worry of having to decide to reply or not, the chat goes grey, indicating that the gardener has logged off.

She doesn’t sleep well, her brain a riot of conflicting thoughts. Perhaps she should have taken Rebecca’s suggestion and gone out to a bar. There were plenty of places around London that had women’s nights. Rebecca had offered to take her to any she wanted, where she could have eyed women up and down, met someone, gotten to talk to them first. She could arrange dates, and go slowly, test the waters gently instead of plunging straight off the diving board.

She could have, and down the line, she hopes maybe she can make a connection, but for now, she just has a curiosity she needs to assuage.

It’s hard to explain it to anyone, even herself, why she thinks this is a good idea. One night stands are exactly the opposite of what she’s used to. Hell, she isn’t even sure she enjoys sex. She knows, theoretically, that when done right people enjoy it, it just hasn’t been her experience thus far. She also knows that she’s to blame for a lot of that. It wasn’t like Eddie hadn’t tried. He’d pointed out repeatedly that he’d tried. It hadn’t ever worked.

Hell, it had never worked for Dani alone either. Now she’s overthinking it, because if she really thinks that it won’t work, then why is she even bothering with this. With someone as good looking and funny as the hot gardener no less.

Perhaps, Dani thinks, because if anyone is going to prove that Dani’s body isn’t a pointless wasteland, that she may as well go for the best candidate.

Her sleep is fitful, full of dreams of wispy brown curls, flower petals and soft touches. Half way through those soft touches turn grabbing, and cold, leaving her feel sick and pawed at. She wakes multiple times, and manages to get back to sleep but in the end, when morning comes, she feels like she hasn’t slept at all.

Maybe she should have suggested a night sooner than Friday, because it’s only Wednesday and that means she has two nights to fret. It also, she reasons, means that she has two nights to cancel, and that’s reassuring and frightening at the same time.

She pulls herself through the work day, grateful for Rebecca slipping her a coffee at morning tea. “Drink after work?”

She nods, although she has no intention of partaking in alcohol. She’d only had one wine the night before to fortify herself, generally she refused to drink on school nights. Still, she could use the sounding board of her friend.

Three pm comes late, and when all the children are gone, she can’t help but groan and plonk her head down on the desk. She pulls out her phone, opens the app, but the chat is still grey, hanging where it was last night. She starts to type a cancellation, and then her eyes drift to the portrait in the corner again. God, she really is quite good looking this gardener. She deletes the message.

“Time to be brave Clayton,” she says to herself.

“Sign of madness you know, talking to yourself.” Rebecca sticks her head around the corner.

“At least I know what I’m going to say in response.”

“Do you mind if Peter comes to drinks?”

Dani tries not to make a face. She doesn’t like Peter, but she loves Rebecca. Apparently her poker face isn’t up to much.   
  


“I know he’s a bit of an arse. But he’s fucking amazing in bed.”

“You don’t need to justify your relationship to me.”

“Need to justify it to myself sometimes,” Rebecca shrugs. “I tell you what. I’ll tell him to meet us at six and we’ll go at five. Get a good hour of girl chat in before he gets there and if you want to scarper after, well, we can tell him you have marking to do.”

“I do have marking to do.”

“Good, because you can’t lie to save yourself.”

Dani makes a face at her, but it’s true, she can’t.

She busies herself tidying the room, and then rocks up at the wine bar at four thirty instead because it’s too much bother to go home in between. Despite her previous promise, she orders herself a glass of white and sips the chilled drink slowly. One won’t hurt.

Becs shows up at ten to, and settles in with her own glass.

“OK, so what did she say?”

“Hmm?”

“Hot gardener.”

Dani narrows her eyes. “How do you know we talked?”

“Because there is no way she swiped left on you, and you look like you didn’t sleep as well as usual.”

Dani sighs. “It’s really annoying to be this transparent you know. I feel like I’m some kind of stereotype.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being a good person Dani. It’s why we all love you so. Now, tell me.”

“Um, she’s really nice. She’s funny. And… we may have agreed to meet on Friday.”

Rebecca makes a noise somewhere between a squeal and a cry, and grabs her arm. “Oh my god you have a date!”

Dani shakes her head. “I… don’t think it’s a date.”

“Wait, what? You’re not going to her house are you. That is not safe, I won’t let -”

“Chill Becs, we agreed to meet somewhere neutral.”

“Good, because I am not letting my best friend get axe murdered by a balding man named Ron from Birmingham.”

Dani looks perplexed.

“Catfishing is a thing Dani.”

“Ron is very convincing if that’s the case. Flirts very well.”

“Oh there was flirting.”

“Of course there was flirting. Hence agreeing to meet on Friday. Some place called… A Batter Place?”

Rebecca sips her wine. “Oh I’ve heard of that. Really good food. How is this not a date? You’re going out to dinner with a hot, hot woman. That’s a date.”

Dani scratches her head. “I mean, she specified casual on her profile right. And I specified casual on mine. So this is… casual.”

“A casual date.”

“I think it’s code for ‘scope each other out before deciding if sex is on the menu’.”

“Isn’t that what you want?” Rebecca picks up a bread stick and points it at Dani, waving the point. “You specifically said that’s what you wanted.”

“It is.”

“Well then.”

“I can still be nervous.”

“Yes you can. Are you clean?”

Dani looks at her, eyes wide and slightly appalled. “Becs!”

“What? It’s a really reasonable question. She’s going to want to know.”

“I’ve only ever been with Eddie,” she hisses. “And he was only with me. So yes, I’m clean.”

“Make sure she is.”

Dani covers her eyes with her hand. “Oh God. This is a mistake.”

Rebecca shakes her head. “It’s not. Seriously. Sex is not a mistake. But, you should ask anyway.”

Dani folds her arms on the table and lies her head on them, groaning. Her words are too muffled for Rebecca to hear them so she pokes her in the head with a bread stick instead.

“What?”

“I said, I have no idea how to ask someone that.”

“Easy – ‘Areyou health screened?’”

Dani looks at her. “Just that?”

“Yeah. If she doesn’t understand, move on.”

“It sounds like I’m asking her if she has Tuberculosis.”

“One,” Bec crunches the bread stick, “you want to know if she has Tuberculosis. Two, this is absolutely an OK question if you end up in bed. Before bed. Just ask.”

Dani nods. “OK. OK I can ask that.”

“Buy dental dams?”

“Wait WHAT?”

“Seriously Clayton, have you researched this at all?”

Dani knows she’s blushing to the roots of her hair. And now the panic attack she’s having is threatening to take out her vision. She feels Bec’s hand on her arm. “Hey, hey it’s OK. Count to ten. It’s OK. Stop hyperventilating, it’s OK.”

Slowly, but surely, the counting and breathing works until she looks Rebecca in the face again. “OK, this is definitely a mistake and I’m cancelling.”

Rebecca grabs her phone hand and holds it, gently, but firmly. “No. You’re not.”

“I can’t do this.”

“You can’t go to dinner with a hot chick on Friday?”

“I can’t sleep with her!”

Rebecca laughs. “You don’t have to. Just go to dinner, see what happens, and let it move naturally.”

Dani senses her heart rate slide a little more into the normal zone, not yet all the way there, but better.

“Naturally?”

  
“Yes.”

“Ok. But… the…. Dams?”

“Maybe don’t try for advanced lesbianing until you’re ready.”

Dani would have blushed harder then, but she feels like she’s already the proverbial tomato.

“Seriously. We’ll have a safe word, I’ll make sure I’m sober. You send me a text and I’ll come get you the second you need me OK. We’ll pretend Jasper got out and I need help finding him.”

Jasper, Rebecca’s very aged cat, rarely stirred from his cat bed other than for dinner. The idea of him actually hauling his plump form up to a window or door to escape was ridiculous, but it wasn’t like the gardener would know that.

“OK. What’s the safe word.”

“Help?”

Dani gives her a pointed look.

Rebecca laughs. “OK, OK, tell me its going Splendidly.”

“Splendidly?”

“Yep. Perfectly Splendidly.”

“Yeesh, does anyone really talk like that?”

“Not Americans,” Bec’s ate the last of the breadstick to punctuate her point. “Also, my incredibly sexy penis attached to a regretful personality has just rocked up outside.”

“Oh my god I don’t know why you’re dating him.”

“Multiple orgasms.” Bec’s waves to Peter, who strides over with the confidence of a white man who always gets what he wants.

“I’d settle for one,” Dani mumbles under her breath. She’s glad Rebecca doesn’t hear it over the hubbub of the bar.

“Evening Dani,” Peter slides in next to Rebecca and puts an arm around her. To Dani, it looks possessive, if for no other reason than her body throws up a muscle memory of the same sensation. She hates it. Rebecca seems fine though, even if she is two wines in.

“Peter.”

“We having dinner here or heading on?” He checks his watch, looks at Bec and there’s some kind of non-verbal communication there. Dani doesn’t know what it means, and doesn’t want to.

“Actually I’m going to head home. Have some tests to mark from today,” she smiles serenely at Peter and he looks pleased at this information. She knows she doesn’t have the best poker face, but at least she seems to be fooling him.

“See you tomorrow Becs?”

“Mmmhmm, see you then.” She seems distracted in her reply, and Dani only notices Peter’s hand high on Rebecca’s thigh as she stands and grabs her bag.

The night air comes as a relief from the suddenly suffocating atmosphere inside the bar. Dani opts to walk home, not far at all, and busy enough to be safe. If anything, watching Peter with Rebecca has made her feel even better about her plans on Friday night. She wants freedom to see, and do, and explore. What she doesn’t want, is heavy hands on her thigh and some kind of presumed ownership. She’s had enough of that.

Naked shenanigans with a hot gardener suddenly seems like the best idea she’d had in awhile.

It’s enough to buoy her home, and through her night time routine, until she begins feeling itchy again. She picks up the phone and before she can think better of it, opens the app and goes straight to the chat page.

She does, if she thinks even for a second, find it interesting that she hasn’t looked at any other profiles. If she’s going to go out on a limb, maybe one at a time is the right way.

_Poppins: Still on for Friday?_

There’s a long moment of staring at the grey chat, before it goes green all of a sudden, and those ellipses, once her nemesis, are giving her hope once again.

_Leafling: Sorry who is this?_

Dani’s heart leaps to her throat, and her fingers shake as she tries to think of an appropriate response.

_Leafling: Just kidding – yanking your chain if you’ll forgive the pun._

_Poppins: I most certainly will not, that was rude!_

_Leafling: What if I promise to make it up to you?_

_Poppins: You had me going there for a second. Might take some considerable making up._

_Leafling: Consider me appropriately contrite and the first round on me._

_Poppins: Hmmm. That all you’ve got?_

Dani feels bold. Like there’s a little world all of it’s own in this chat and she has room to spread her wings. She hugs a knee to her chest and grins, staring at the screen happily.

_Leafling: Well, I do have one or two other tricks up my sleeve ._

_Poppins: Like someone cheating at poker?_

_Leafling: Like someone who knows how to use their hands._

_Poppins: The two are not mutually exclusive._

_Leafling: You have a point. Ok, if I have to pull out the big guns – double chocolate fudge. With fresh whipped cream._

_Poppins: You had me at chocolate but I’ll admit to being a bit lost now._

_Leafling: Cake. A Batter Place is famous for cake. And I promise once I buy you a slice of the double chocolate fudge, you’ll forgive me._

_Poppins: With fresh whipped cream?_

_Leafling: Hand on my heart._

_Poppins: How was your day?_

_Leafling: Have you ever stood on a ladder in cold rain while pulling the muck out of three hundred year old gutters?_

_Poppins: I have not had that pleasure, no._

_Leafling: Sometimes I regret my life choices._

_Poppins: I had no idea gardening was so glamorous ._

_Leafling: The gardening is good. The gardening I love. Getting my hands good and dirty in soil, making things grow, designing, nurturing, it’s good._

_Poppins: And the gutters?  
_

_Leafling: Sadly the other half of my job title is maintenance for the outside of the building where I work. Big old house with grounds. And you have to clean gutters out at least twice a year or they clog up and then water gets in. You don’t want to meet the housekeeper if I’ve let water leak in._

_Poppins: Scary?_

_Leafling: I once left muddy footprints on her floor by accident. I thought she was going to take me out with a broom._

_Poppins: Oh my. First an umbrella, now a broom. You’re living life on the edge._

_Leafling: Luckily she’s one of my best friends, so I sweet talked her out of it. Reckon it worked with the umbrella too._

_Poppins: I still have it if I need it._

_Leafling: Duly noted._

_Poppins: I wish I didn’t have Math tests to grade._

_Leafling: Oh the poor kids. What have you been torturing them with?_

_Poppins: Fractions._

_Leafling: Now I really feel sorry for them._

_Poppins: I’m the one who has to mark them._

_Leafling: I’ve enough empathy for the lot of you, don’t have to take sides._

_Poppins: Sadly, I should go. This is more fun than marking but it won’t do itself. Hope tomorrow is less gutter and more growth._

_Leafling: Thanks. Hope tomorrow is less_ _fraction-ous_ _._

_P_ _oppins: That was a truly awful pun._

_Leafling: My other best friend is the worlds greatest, or worst, pun maker. I learned from him._

_Poppins: You may be challenging him for the title_ _s_ _then._

_Leafling: Trust me, I’m not. You should go, marking and all that. See you Friday._

_Poppins: Goodnight._

_Leafling: Gnight._

She stands up and grabs the pile of tests, regretfully staring at the again grey chat. She could have tried to mark and chat at the same time, but she knows it would have distracted her too much to work. Even if she does feel like she could talk to the gardener all day. Even though she doesn’t even know her name. She assumes they’ll introduce themselves on Friday, should neither of them turn out to be serial killers or Ron from Birmingham.

She tries to put the gardener out of her mind, concentrate on work. She does get through the pile, but she still can’t quite get the picture from the back of her mind: beautiful eyes, a perfect nose, curly brown hair and a flower.


	2. Must You Break Me So

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dani has the best date of her life.

By nine pm on Thursday night, Dani has been through every piece of clothing in her wardrobe twice. She hadn’t dragged that much stuff with her to England anyway. Most of her clothes are somewhere in a box, across the Atlantic, presumably in her mother’s attic by now. It’s possible, she considers, that they’ve been moved to a dumpster or sold to a second hand store also. The last time she spoke to her mother was a brief conversation six months ago and Dani isn’t about to call and check up on the well-being of her blouses.

Besides, she likes to think her style has matured a little since moving to London. She’s more casual now, fresher. She’s had her hair cut a little, a more natural style than the parted bangs she’d been hanging on to for ever. She likes the new Dani. She feels like she is this Dani, much more than she ever was Danielle.

It doesn’t, however, help with choosing an outfit. Nothing she owns fits exactly how she wants it to, and she doesn’t have a budget to go out and get something new. Or time, for that matter. Even if she did, she wouldn’t be able to choose something.

The Rebecca angel on her shoulder, or demon possibly, says she should wear the short black dress. The short black dress will definitely indicate that she wants to head to bed as soon as possible. It is not, however, within the definition of casual.

She hears some pots banging around in the kitchen and sticks her head out the bedroom door.

“Tim, if someone says dress casual for a date what would you expect them to wear?”

The banging stops for a second before he hollers back. “Jeans. And a t-shirt. And thongs.”

Dani walks out into the kitchen. “Are you serious?”

“Sure, jeans and a t-shirt is the very definition of casual.”

Tim is scruffy, unshaven, and from the looks of the kitchen bench, about to start some truly epic cooking.

“You’re specifying underwear! You can’t specify underwear!”

Tim looks mystified. “What?”

“Thongs,” she hisses. “You can’t just say…”

“Oh… no mate. Thongs are footwear.”

Now it’s Dani’s turn to look mystified, until Tim holds up his leg and she sees his ubiquitous flip flops on his feet.

“Those are flip-flops.”

“Not in Australia. Thongs.”

“So… you were not suggesting I wear scandalous underwear to a casual date?”

“No. I was suggesting you wear comfortable shoes. Although, if you think a thong is scandalous, I’m not sure I’m the right guy to be asking fashion advice from.”

“You’re the only person in my apartment right now. Besides, you, kinda know what you mean when you tell a girl casual.”

“Who’s the lucky bloke?”

Dani looks at him. Perhaps she’d been too obtuse. “Not a bloke. Girl. Woman.”

“Nice.” He picks up a knife and begins chopping garlic at a speed that makes Dani worry about his fingers. “Casual is the same either way. Bloke, chick, all good. Jeans, t-shirt, comfy shoes. You’re on.”

Dani nods. He seems pretty unaffected by the fact she wants to date a woman. She and Tim had a more passing in the hall kind of relationship than a friendship. It was nice to know she wasn’t living with a raving homophobe though.

“What’s her name?”

Dani winces. “Would you believe I don’t know? It’s kind of a blind date thing.”

He looks at her. “Wouldn’t have pitched you for a blind date kind of a person. I’d imagine you’d be beating them off with a stick.”

  
Dani blushes. “Yeah, well, she’s really cute and I thought why not.”

“Carpe Diem. Throw off the shackles and all that.”

“Exactly.”

She half sits on the arm of the couch and watches him chop. “Although you’re right, I haven’t done a blind date before. Haven’t really done much dating to be honest.”

“Want me to tag along, make sure it’s safe.” He waves his knife. “Can do the whole Crocodile Dundee line and all.”

She laughs. “We’re meeting in public and, I have a back up out if I need.”

“Good,” he waves the knife in a non threatening manner. “I will cut if someone hurts you.”

“Appreciated.” She realises that this is possibly the longest conversation she and Tim have ever had. “Uh. Do you have… do you have someone? A girl? I mean, I’ve never seen someone in the apartment but you can…”

He grins at her. “I’m really more a hot dog, less of a taco kinda guy.”

She blinks at him for a few seconds while that teasing grin stays plastered to his face, until her brain catches up. “Oh! OH!”

He laughs. “Couple of homos and we didn’t even know it eh.”

She laughs with him, feeling suddenly a whole lot more at ease in her own living room. “So, you have a bloke?”

She says the word with her absolute best impression of an Australian accent and it is dire. Absolutely dire.

“Maybe.”

“Hmm.”

“We’re taking it slow, seeing where it goes.”

“Should we have a signal? Tie on the door?”

He looks at her and then waves the knife at his own body. “Dani, do I look like I own a tie?”

“Good point.”

“I’ll use a sock.”

She laughs, and then stands up, aware she has some wardrobe decisions to make. “Seriously though, don’t like, not have people here on my account.”

“Thanks, good to know.” Before makes it back to her room, she hears him say. “Curry in the fridge for tomorrow and Dani?”

“Yes?”

“The button up blue shirt and your light denim jeans. Trust me on this.”

She finds the named items in her clothes pile, and makes quick work of returning everything else before holding them up to the mirror on the back of her wardrobe door.

“Really?” She can’t see it, it’s just a shirt and jeans. She shrugs, still better than any idea she had. It’s also weird that Tim had noticed, but then, maybe she should spend some more time getting to know her housemate. He seems nicer than she anticipated.

She’s just hanging the clothes back up when she hears the buzz of her phone on her bed.

_Leafling wants to chat_

A smile creeps on to her face unbidden.

_Leafling: Still on for tomorrow?_

Her smile widens.

_Poppins: Not 100% sure. There’s a guy named Roger who wants to eat my liver with a spoon so I’m considering my options._

_Leafling: Gosh, that does sound tempting. Am I to have to fight for your attention?_

_Poppins: Well I wasn’t planning on meeting him at the same place? That would be super awkward. He said to meet in a dark alley._

_Leafling: I mean, I reckon I can take him. Hit him on the head with a watering can when no one is looking._

_Poppins: Be still my beating heart._

_Leafling: How was your day?_

_Poppins: Pretty nice actually. The kids had sports in the afternoon so I got to sit at my desk and drink coffee for a whole hour and a half._

_Leafling: Ugh, you yanks and your coffee. You’re in England now Poppins, we drink tea here._

_Poppins: Firstly, I do not understand the tea you have here. Secondly, plenty of English people drink coffee._

_Leafling: Sure, if you’re tired. What’s not to understand about tea? Tea is Tea._

_Poppins: For starters it’s hot, and not sweet?_

_Leafling: Oh Jesus. That’s blasphemy right there. Starting to think I should let Roger have you._

_Poppins: Nope, he hasn’t promised me chocolate cake._

_Leafling: You remember that?_

_Poppins: You don’t just forget double fudge._

_Leafling: I always keep my promises._

_Poppins: Always?_

_Leafling: Always._

_Poppins: No one always keeps their promises._

_Leafling: I don’t make promises often, or lightly. So yes, I always keep my promises._

There’s something heavy, in this exchange, that started out so light and funny, and has somehow wended it’s way into revealing a little more of this woman than Dani thinks even the gardener realises. She knows, even just from one photo and these little snippets, that the woman she’s talking to has depth, real appreciable depth.

Bodes terribly for casual but she can’t bring herself to tear away.

_Poppins: Then I shall be extra careful never to ask for anything I don’t truly want._

_Leafling: Like double chocolate fudge cake?_

_Poppins: Exactly. Was your day better?_

_Leafling: So much better. Warm greenhouse, great plants, good music, no gutters._

_Poppins: When you say it like that, I regret spending my day in a classroom._

_Leafling: Nah, everything grows better in the right environment. I bet you love your job._

_Poppins: I do. I really do. Makes me so happy to see the kids learn, and grow, and change._

_Leafling: I understand._

_Poppins: I was going to say like tomatoes, but then, you really can’t put kids in a salad._

_Leafling: Unless you’re Roger._

_Poppins: Poor Roger. He’s going so unfulfilled tomorrow night. My liver will remain my own._

_Leafling: Made a decision then?_

_Poppins: Seven o’clock. In my best casual._

_Leafling: Can’t wait._

It’s about a minute of Dani deciding if she wants to say anything else when the chat goes grey. She supposes that it’s as good a place to leave it as anything, but she can’t help focus on the last two words.

Can’t. Wait.

********************************

Friday sees Dani a mess. She’s actually grateful that the kids are not well behaved for once. They’re tiny Friday demons (or gremlins, she muses at one point with a wry smile), and it’s the distraction she needs. She avoids Rebecca at the end of the day, leaving with a smile and a wave and refusing to stay and pre-game her evening.

She’s ready far too early, having re-showered, done her hair, groomed in ways that make her feel downright over-thought, and then thrown on her outfit. The dark blue shirt and the jeans that Tim suggested actually make an OK combination she thinks, they bring out her eyes. She still wonders if it’s too casual, but, with some Chelsea boots and her hair up, she thinks she can pull it off.

Only it’s just gone five and she has far too much time left.

By six, she’s nearly out of her skin with a mixture of anticipation and sheer, unadulterated fear. She has to remind herself constantly that nothing has to happen tonight that she doesn’t choose. Regardless, she’s going out to dinner with a really, really hot gardener with the intention of somehow getting naked with her. That’s not nothing.

She arrives at the restaurant with five minutes to spare, impressed that she managed to stretch out her time and not arrive even sooner. It’s a lovely little place, looks warm from the outside, occupying a corner and almost nestled in. She opens the door, and her first impression is that it smells incredibly delicious in here.

Her second impression is one that leaves her with a dry mouth and blinking eyes, because she is not the first to arrive.

Leafling is, if anything, better looking than her picture. She’s currently perched on a bar-stool and leaning across chatting to a man with an amazing moustache, kind eyes and twinkling glasses. She’s laughing, and it lights up her whole face, making Dani’s stomach clench.

Christ.

OK, well, bonus points for not being Ron from Birmingham, she thinks.

The moment that the gardener turns, and sees her, is the moment that Dani thinks her heart stops. There is a single point, suspended in time, when their eyes meet. The slow smile that spreads across the gardeners face is almost lopsided, but god if it isn’t utterly gorgeous.

Dani swallows.

She manages a few steps inside, aware that she’s still wearing her coat and looks ridiculous standing in the door. Her date has now hopped off the bar-stool and is coming over, which just makes Dani’s uncoordinated removal of said coat even more embarrassing.

“Poppins.” It’s not a question, but a statement, and said in a liquid smooth voice that has Dani’s knees weak.

“Leafling?” Dani does not have the same level of aplomb. It takes every shred of cool she has not to end the question with a squeak.

The gardener laughs, and offers a hand. “Jamie, actually.”

Jamie. Oh, it suits her. It really suits her. It has all the casual insouciance of her obvious self assurance, with a hint of adorable.

Dani smiles. “Dani.”

Jamie’s handshake is warm and firm in hers. Her fingers are narrow, delicate, but there are callouses that give a slight edge. Dani likes it.

“Look at us, with our boy names.”

That turns Dani’s smile into a laugh. “In fairness Dani is short for Danielle.” Her lack of poker face gives away her feelings regarding her full name, and she sees Jamie nod with what she thinks may be amused acceptance.

“Dani it is. Want to sit down?”

She does, she really does.

The table Jamie leads her to is in the corner, tucked away.

After they’ve settle themselves, a waiter appears as though out of nowhere and hands them each menus before scarpering.

“Alright?”

Dani glances down at the card. “Yeah. Fine.” She scans the laminated sheet. “You lied about the cake though.”

Jamie’s laugh is light and gorgeous. Dani feels dizzy.

“No, I promised you cake and cake you shall have. They just don’t have it on the menu, it’s up at the bar.” She points to a small rectangular glass case by the register, which is laden with cake.

“Thank goodness, thought I might have to leave and see what the alley had to offer.”

Dani has never been prouder of herself for maintaining some ability to banter and not descending immediately into squeaky noises. Jamie, she thinks, is possibly the most attractive person she has ever seen, let alone sat down to dinner with.

She can’t help but quickly run her eyes over her dinner companion, while pretending to peruse the menu. She’s in a black shirt, top button undone in a way that shows off collarbones that are far too attractive for a normal person. Dani had never considered that clavicles could actually _be_ attractive, but is glad to be proven wrong. Jamie’s hair is up, in some kind of clip, and a few loose curls are wisping down by her ears.

Dani thinks she might be in trouble. The best kind of trouble.

“We don’t have to eat if you don’t want to, but it’s on me if you’d like dinner.” Jamie seems completely at ease and relaxed. It doesn’t seem fair.

“I can pay for myself,” Dani protests. “We didn’t really settle on going Dutch did we?”

“Not saying you can’t, just that I know the owner and he’ll give me a discount.”

“Oh.”

“Sorry, thought it might be safest to meet here. You know, in case you were Ted Bundy the second.”

Jamie gives her a cheeky grin.

“I’m clearly not called Ted, but you could still be Jill the Ripper,” Dani points out.

“You have a point. I promise not to reveal my inner psychopath until after cake?”

“I appreciate that.”

“So.”

Dani looks at her. “So.”

“What brings you to our rainy, rainy country?”

Dani thinks that she really should have expected this. Actually she _did_ expect this, only her pre-prepared answers don’t seem to want to come out right now. She doesn’t want to tell Jamie everything, spill her entire heart and guts on the table at moment one. She also, for many reasons, doesn’t want to lie. Least of all because she’s terrible at it.

“That’s a really long story. Probably one for date three.”

As soon as it’s out of her mouth, she regrets it.   
  
“Date three huh? That’s confident.” Jamie’s grin is teasing, relentless. Dani blushes.

“Well, if you want the full story then I guess that’s up to you on that one.” Footing regained.

“Touche.”

“Cliff notes version: Home was… not great, things happened, and I thought if I was going to get a fresh start, why not do it in London.”

“London’s good for that,” Jamie acknowledges. She pushes no further and Dani is grateful.

The waiter reappears with a bottle of wine that Dani knows neither of them ordered, and offers it. “On the house.”

Dani looks confused but Jamie is rolling her eyes. She looks at Dani. “Would you like some? He’s only going to offer white if we turn down the red. Don’t have to drink if you don’t want to, don’t feel any pressure.”

In the history of possible dates, no one has ever given Dani such easy options to choose her own comfort. She’s afraid how much she likes it.

“I’d love a glass.”

The wine turns out to be very good.

“Are you from London?”

“With this accent?” Jamie snorts.

“Well…” Dani points to herself. “Ignorant American yes?”

“Fair cop,” Jamie smiles again, seemingly not insulted. “This is a northern accent.”

“I… you may have to explain that in slightly more dumbed down terms.”

“Uh, well, the North kind of encompasses the bit of the country just south of Scotland, but I’m specifically from near Leeds.”

Dani nods. “OK, I understood all of those words.”

That makes Jamie laugh and Dani wonders what else she can do to make that happen, because it’s a truly beautiful sound.

“I don’t know that I’d fare any better with American geography, so you’re off the hook.”

“Oh, we kind of have chunks too. Like the Northwest, and the East Coast, South, you know.”

“Which one are you from?”

“Midwest, smack bang in the middle of the country.”

“Is that a good thing?” Jamie takes a sip of her wine.

“Um. Depends. There’s a lot of corn where I’m from.”

“Corn can be good. Tastes alright. Grows pretty easy.”

“Yeah, bit boring when it’s all there is. Definitely not as exciting as London.”

“Where I’m from is all coal dust and chimneys. Can’t choose where you’re from, only where you take yourself.” Jamie’s fingernail taps on her glass and Dani likes the way the lights shine in her eyes.

“That’s a really good philosophy.”

“Get a few more wines in me and you’ll be begging me to stop opining. Bloody Aristotle me, when I’m soused.”

Dani thinks that it’s highly unlikely she’ll ever want Jamie to stop talking, but she smiles into her wine glass anyway.

“So what brought you to London?”

The look Jamie gives her is inscrutable, and Dani wonders if she’s made a mistake with what she thought was an innocent question.

“That, is also a very long story and more like fifth date material.”

“Fifth? That’s a big story.”

Jamie smiles. “It’s not, just for another time. As you say, fresh starts and all that.”

If there was ever a more obvious opportunity to change topics, Dani hadn’t seen it, so instead she blurts out the first thing that comes to mind.

“Do you read?”

Jamie raises an eyebrow. “Do I come across as illiterate?” Her tone is teasing enough to take the sting out of the implication.

“Just because you can read doesn’t mean you do it for fun.”

“Really,” Jamie takes a long drink of her wine, and Dani feels like it’s a performance she can’t, mustn’t, tear her eyes away from. “OK. Let’s talk books.”

From there on, the conversation really does just ease on. They order food. More dishes turn up than they ordered, but Jamie just reassures her and they eat. Jamie is, as Dani predicted, smart, funny, hilarious and by the time dinner is over, her chest is aching from laughter and she absolutely does not want the night to be over.

She also has the slight problem that, she doesn’t know if a one night stand is something she can contemplate now. She _likes_ Jamie. The idea of never seeing Jamie again after tonight sits very uncomfortably with her. She gets the distinct impression Jamie likes her.

There had been no domination of the conversation. When Jamie was talking, she was fascinating, Dani loved to listen. When Dani was talking, it never seemed like Jamie was just waiting her turn. She was interested, engaged, asked appropriate questions. It was heady and exhilarating and Dani wondered if this is what dates were supposed to be.

Was this even a date?

The promised cake appears, and it’s as good as Jamie has promised. At one point, there’s a small amount of fresh cream just at the corner of Jamie’s mouth and Dani’s whole body reacts to the thought of licking it off herself. Instead she just politely points it out, aware that Jamie has read everything on her face. So it would seem, with the amused look she gives Dani as a delicate tongue darts out to lick the cream.

Fucking hell.

Dani takes the opportunity to drain her glass of the end of it’s wine as Jamie goes and pays the bill. When she stands up, ready to meet her, all the nerves that had slowly ebbed away over the meal came rushing back, ganging up inside and starting a rebellion.

She doesn’t want to say goodnight.

She definitely doesn’t want to say goodnight when Jamie helps her into her coat and those fingers, those deft fingers, briefly brush the skin on her neck.

Jesus Christ, had she ever known goosebumps like these? Just from a simple touch?

The night air is cold, and Dani shivers a little as they step outside.

“That was really nice,” Jamie says, seeming for the first time to have some of the uncertainty that Dani is absolutely chock full of.

“Would you like to come back to my place?” It comes out in a rush, words running together like a torrent rushing down a mountain. She plays them back in her head as she feels heat rush to her cheeks. She thinks, maybe, they were comprehensible.

“Dani,” Jamie’s voice is soft, gentle.

She swallows.

“Tonight was really nice. Really lovely.”

“I… I thought so too.” Had she been so wrong in this? Was she the only one feeling a connection here? Jamie is still looking at her like she’s torn, like she wants this too, but her words are definitely heading in the opposite direction.

“I like you.” Oh this is bad.

Dani smiles. “I like you too. Kind of why I invited you back.” Faking bravado seems like a good way not to be swallowed whole by the pavement.

Jamie smiles, and it almost has a sad quality to it. “I don’t… I really don’t do relationships.”

Dani takes a minute to turn that sentence over in her head. “Uh. I’ll be honest, I wasn’t aware I was offering one.”

Jamie runs a hand through her hair, tucking back an errant curl that’s escaped. “This may sound like the rudest line ever but, you’re not one night stand material.”

“I think I’m insulted.”

Jamie laughs. “Dani. You’re not. You’re special. You’re lovely, and smart and funny and you deserve a lot more than … than what I can offer.”

Dani has to take a moment then, because the conflicting emotions coming at her felt like hail stinging her face. On the one hand, Jamie was saying lovely things about her, on the other hand, she was very clearly being, well, rejected.

“Right.”

“Hey, look, I mean it,” Jamie reaches out and takes her arm, wrapping slender fingers around the cloth gently. “You’re really amazing. Best night I’ve had in ages.”

“So good you never want to see me again.”

“So good I don’t want to fuck the memory up by being an asshole.”

“Then don’t be an asshole?” Dani makes sure the confusion she’s feeling seeps into the statement because she’s definitely never had a conversation like this before.

“I told you I don’t make promises I can’t keep.”

“I… don’t recall asking you for one?”

Jamie searches her eyes, long and hard, which just makes Dani want to reach up and kiss the expression of her face, if she’s being honest with herself.

“You deserve promises.”

“I think I deserve the right to make my own decisions on that.” Dani’s voice has an edge now. She knows Jamie doesn’t have any idea what Dani has left behind, but she’s also damn sure that no one is going to be making up her mind for her if she has anything to say about it. “I mean, you’ve made your intentions, or not intentions or whatever pretty clear. You don’t have to sugar coat it.”

She’s not angry, but she sounds it. She supposes that seems reasonable after the complete one eighty the night has just taken.

Jamie tilts her head to one side. “I don’t fuck my friends.”

Whatever Dani was expecting, it wasn’t the blunt blow to her brain that sentence delivered. There isn’t a lot she can say in response.

“Oh. We’re friends now?”

Jamie sighs. “You know, with all my good intentions not to stuff up tonight in the end, I think I might have.”

Dani can’t help but sigh back a little. “No. I mean. I don’t know. I’m … confused. I thought this was a date to be honest.”

Jamie looks at her. “I don’t date. I do very casual, very one time things. Did this feel like that to you?”

Dani has to grant her that one. “OK, no, it felt like a good start to something but… are you saying that’s a bad thing?”

“I’m saying that I never make promises I can’t keep.”

Dani shakes her head, trying to clear a lot of the fog the conversation has brought on.

Jamie smiles, that damn lopsided grin that’s far too endearing for it’s own good. “Can I just say, again, that I had a really, really nice time. Better than, well, I can’t think of much better.”

Dani rolls her eyes at that, because it so obviously can’t be true, but it’s still nice to hear. Mollifying, if anything. “I had a nice time too, but I think I should go.”

“Can I call you a cab? Uber?” Jamie looks worried, and Dani doesn’t care.

“I’m actually not far, I’m going to walk.” Dani still feels the disappointment all the way down inside. She hopes the walk will do her some good.

“I should… I should walk you home, safe and all.”

Dani can’t help but raise her eyebrows at that, to which Jamie holds up both hands. “Just to your door Poppins.”

“I’m fine. I promise. It’s well lit and I’m on a main road. I think I’d also like to have a bit of time if that’s ok.”

Jamie nods, looking slightly miserable, and possibly Dani thinks, a little guilty. “Then… goodnight?”

“Goodnight,” Dani says, not quite able to keep the edge out of her voice.

Nor is she able to stop her entire being from flushing red and vibrating when Jamie doesn’t step away, and instead steps in and gently places a hand on her cheek, before ducking in and kissing her other cheek gently. “Stay safe Poppins.”

And then she’s gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have written so many words in so few days and it's all Asesome89's fault. Fucking prompt stuck in my head. 
> 
> Thank you so, so, so much for all your amazing comments. They keep me so excited to write and they make me so happy. If you're reading and leaving kudos, but don't feel like you can comment, thank you for just being here. Just know that all the ego boosting does leave me giddy for days. 
> 
> Rated T but definitely won't stay that way.


	3. A Simpleton Can See

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reconnection and revelations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a little blown away by all the amazing feedback on the last chapter. You all seemed to have very strong feelings on the subject and I'm sure that this will fix everything exactly as you hoped. 
> 
> Rated M for one short snippet - but never fear, the E is absolutely riddled through the next 3 chapters. 
> 
> Yes. 3. I've upped it to 6 because I can't stop writing this. 
> 
> Edited by me so therefore not really at all.

Dani cannot begin to process what has happened over the course of the night. She walks home in a fog of confusion, some anger, and a huge well of disappointment.

As Jamie had said, the evening had gone well. It had gone better than well. It was movie romance levels of amazing date. Dani had not, admittedly, been on any dates where she hadn’t already known the person she was with. She’d moved so seamlessly from being a kid, to being Eddie’s girlfriend, having known him forever, that their dates were really just an extension of life.

She has friends though, and enough of a knowledge of how to the world works, to know that first dates are usually awkward and uncomfortable. They’re not supposed to introduce you to someone who enchants you with every word and makes you feel like they’re enchanted too.

And they’re probably not supposed to end with that person gently, but firmly, rejecting you at the end of the night. Not when they were that good anyway.

If she hadn’t been there, if she hadn’t experienced the night herself, then she’d think she was an idiot. She’d had enough gaslighting through her entire childhood and adolescence to know it well. In fact, Dani was basically an expert in recognising it – and she refused to gaslight herself.

It had been a great date. They had both had a fantastic time. Jamie had been as in to her as she had been in to Jamie, and Dani was not going to let that fact slip through her fingers. Despite the very ‘it’s not you it’s me’ lines at the end of the evening, Dani only had two options to consider.

Either Jamie was the worlds greatest liar and psychopath, or she was telling the truth.

Despite having an immeasurably better poker face than Dani, which wasn’t hard, one of the first things Dani had noticed about Jamie was her eyes. They were expressive. There had been moments, skirting some of the more restrained parts of the conversation, where Dani had seen things in Jamie’s eyes she recognised. A flash of pain here, a hardening there. Everyone had a backstory after all. Jamie’s eyes were not as shrouded as she thought they were.

Jamie was, Dani was pretty certain, telling the truth.

Which was somehow worse.

‘You’re girlfriend material but I don’t want to be your girlfriend.’

What a lovely way to end a date.

Dani gets undressed with the same deliberate care that she got dressed with, removing her make-up and carefully putting her clothes away, before climbing in to bed. Her phone buzzes, and she sees a message from Rebecca, asking for so many details.

She debates not replying, but then Becs will assume that she’s off having sex and she isn’t off having sex, which is the problem. Instead she whips off a reply – _Home now, will tell you everything tomorrow._

She ignores the eight replies while lying flat on her back and staring at the ceiling. It is quite apparent that she’s not going to be able to sort through her two hundred mile an hour thoughts tonight. Half of her is still floating on the best evening of her life and the other half is drowning in the well of disappointment and embarrassed shame she feels.

_Would you like to come back to my place?_

She’d said it. Thrown it right out there. Intentions on the table and a wet fish slap back in the face.

Sleep does not come easy, but it does eventually come, on the back of both physical and mental exhaustion. She sleeps in, because it’s easier to roll over and not give in to waking, and it’s late morning before she hauls herself out of bed. Breakfast and coffee are quick, and she tastes neither because everything feels like ashes. She knows she’s being ridiculous and dramatic, but she also wants to indulge a little because a lifetime of being forced to swallow negative emotions is making her rebellious.

She’s disappointed and she’s not above pouting about it.

She can’t put off Becs for too long, so by mid afternoon she’s round at their flat, immediately cornered by both Rebecca and Jenna as soon as she arrives.

“Oh my god tell us everything.”

“Was she hot? It was her?”

“Was the sex the best you’ve ever had?”

  
“Tell us everything.”

Dani ignores them, mechanically removing her coat and deciding that if she’s going to do this, she’s going to do this right. “Wine. First I need wine and _then_ we can talk.”

“Oooh, wine at three in the afternoon.”

“Jenna you had a Screwdriver with brunch.”

“It’s brunch, on a Saturday. You’re allowed to drink. It’s in the rules.”

Dani sits on the couch, lies her head back and waits for her wine to arrive.

“Ooh she’s tired, that’s good.”

  
Dani fights the urge to tell Jenna to fuck off.

Becs hands her the wine, and sits next to her, regarding her with more care than Jenna. “Not so good huh?” It’s quiet, so Jenna can’t hear.

“Complicated,” says Dani, and takes a sip of the cool white in her hand.

“Did you go home with her?” Jenna, as always, straight to the point. She’s poking around the living room looking for something, her questions seem extra loud today.

“Nope.”

“Damn.”

Becs reaches out and touches her knee. “You ok? You don’t seem ok?”

“I … not really. Had the best date of my life and then she basically let me down super easy at the end of the evening, said thanks but it wasn’t for her and left.”

“Ouch.”

Becs gives her a sympathetic slightly pained look.

“Well, back to the app then,” says Jenna cheerfully.

“No.” Dani replies with a firmness that makes fourth graders stop in their tracks and sit down meekly. She’s pleased to see it has the same effect on Jenna. “Definitely not. I need to process this a lot more before I even think about touching that app.”

Becs puts her hand on Dani’s knee again, gently. “Hey, we all get rejected. It hurts, and that’s OK.”

“I really liked her - like her,” Dani thinks she might cry. “Like really, really. She’s smart, and funny and incredibly gorgeous. I could have talked to her for hours, days.”

“Damn.” Becs looks sympathetic.

“The things is, I was pretty sure she thought that too. She seemed really… well, really into me, all evening.”

“Oh.” Becs frowns. “Sounds like maybe she doesn’t want to take it too fast? That’s not a bad thing! See each other for awhile, take it from there?”

“She said she had a great time, but that she didn’t do more than one night casual and she thought …” Dani sighs. “I don’t know. She basically said that she couldn’t promise me anything.” Dani gives her a quick rundown of the evening, and then the ending, trying to get the words right because it seems important to know what Jamie had said exactly.

Now Becs and Dani are both frowning, and Jenna looks almost bored by it.

“OK. So she’s a fuck em and leave em type. I mean, lezzos have to have them too right?”

“Jenna, do you listen to yourself sometimes?” Becs gives her a look that would melt metal.

“She’s not wrong though, is she,” Dani says. “Jamie basically said as much herself, that’s what she was looking for. I was not, apparently, what she was looking for.”

“So she respects you. That’s not bad?”

“She didn’t ask what I wanted though,” says Dani obstinately. “Made up her mind all by herself that I wasn’t up for that. Ironic really, since that’s what I went in for.”

“I think,” Rebecca says carefully, “that she probably sees exactly what I said from the outset.”

“Which is?”

“That this isn’t very you.”

Dani growls. “I want it to be me.”

“No you don’t, not really. You met a girl you really like. A girl who makes you smile, and makes butterflies appear in your stomach, who you want to talk to for days. I’m absolutely certain that if she’d taken you back to hers, fucked you like a ragdoll, and then booted you in the morning with a cheery goodbye and thanks for the orgasms, it’ll be lovely never to see you again - you’d be a lot more upset today than you are now.”

Dani mulls that over in her head as she sips her wine. In the end, she can’t do anything but agree.

“I still think it should have been my decision. I’m tired of people making decisions for me.”

Becs smiles. “Actually, unless both people are all in, it is her decision. She has the right to decide she doesn’t want to be a jerk to you.”

Dani grumbles at that one.

“Seriously, like, how is it not her decision to have an amazing evening with you, and then decide that she likes you too much to use you.”

“She doesn’t know that I’m going to be upset in the morning! She’s just assuming.”

“I think I’m going to repeat myself until you listen: She likes you too much to use you.”

Dani sighs, draining her wine. “Or, she’s too nice to tell me I’m not worth it.”

“Nope!” Jenna yells from the kitchen where she appears to be making a smoothie. “I still think this just means you find another horse to ride, but Becs is right, she seems a decent sort.”

“Look. You went out hoping to find someone you liked enough to shag for a night but not enough to want to keep seeing. Most of the time you end up with someone you don’t even like enough for a shag. You’re just an overachiever and found the one you like too much. And who respects you too much to bonk you and dump you.”

“And now won’t ever see again.”

Becs shrugs. “Why not?”

“She made that pretty clear.”

“No, she said she wasn’t going to sleep with you. She never said you couldn’t hit her up for another dinner, or rock climbing.”

“Rock climbing?”

“It’s a fun activity. So you like spending time with her. Spend time with her. Be her friend. See what happens.”

“She made it very clear she doesn’t do relationships.”

“And that’s the only thing she’s worth to you?”

That stops Dani in her tracks. She flips the thoughts over and over in her head, spinning until she can’t breathe.

Oh no.

She had done exactly what she didn’t want done to herself. She’d wanted Jamie to fill a role, and then had gotten upset when that hadn’t happened. Becs was absolutely right. Jamie wasn’t the asshole here, Dani was. She’d wanted to use Jamie, but, Jamie hadn’t wanted to be used.

“Fuck.”

“Hey, don’t worry about it. Text her.”

Dani thinks her head may be on fire, this time in the bad way. It was like remembering the embarrassing thing you did in high school a decade later and somehow the mortification is quadrupled. It takes her a few deep breaths to get herself under control, and then she just feels sad again.

She sighs. “The thing is, is it a good idea to try and be friends with someone you have a massive crush on? Isn’t that disingenuous?”

“Only if you’re hanging around with the expectation of an outcome. But you’re not a basic fuck boi, so I assume that’s not the case.” Becs hands her a bottle of water and plonks back on the couch. “If you enjoy spending time with her, and that’s your end game, then do that.”

“Why is this stuff so hard?”

“Feelings?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t have any, works for me,” Jenna yells from the kitchen cheerily.

“I’d laugh only I think she’s telling the truth,” Becs comments with a wry smile. “Head like a brick and no sense to be had.”

“I was trying not to have feelings. I was trying to have sex.”

“Sex comes with feelings most of the time,” says Becs. “Even when you want it not to. You end up thinking about someone even though you shouldn’t. You end up wanting things from them that they can’t give you. You end up wondering if any of it is healthy but you can’t stop.”

“We’re not talking about me anymore are we?”

“Sorry.”

  
It’s Dani’s turn to pat a knee. “Don’t be. I never mind talking about you and I hate being the centre of the drama.”

“Yes, but if I talk about me then I’ll think about all of the ridiculous truths of it and it’ll drive me over the edge. Distraction is good. Be my drama for me.”

Dani laughs. “I don’t think I’ve got much more to offer. My pathetic rejection is it. The rest of my weekend is laundry, Netflix, and avoiding people from back home screaming “OH MY GOD HOW IS ENGLAND” at me on Facebook.

“We’re going out tonight, want to come? Alcohol. Jenna getting white girl wasted. Carrying her home. It’ll be a blast.”

Dani shakes her head. “I think I’ll have a quiet one. Have some thinking to do.”

Becs pats her knee one last time. “Don’t overthink it.

Of course she does though, for the rest of the weekend. She does her laundry, watches Netflix half-heartedly, eats the leftovers Tim has popped in the fridge with her name on it and generally mopes.

She’s never had a crush like this before. She’s only been out of a relationship for eighteen months, and only out of the closet to anyone but herself for less than a year. All her previous longings for women have been ethereal, fantastical and from a distance. She’s never met someone that she actually wants to get to know.

Rebecca is right though. She should respect Jamie enough to want to get to know her for her, not just for the possibility of sex. But Dani would be lying if she thought she hadn’t stared at those pink, almost swollen lips more than once over her Friday evening and wondered if she could just, launch over the table and kiss them. She can’t help but want to put this in a neat categorised box, but her feelings are too spread all over the place. It’s exhausting.

She picks up her phone so many times, thumbing over the app and then putting it down. No matter what she tries, she cannot shift Jamie from her brain, or, as it turns out, her dreams.

_Hot, wet kisses sliding down her neck. Delicate fingers tracing the bones of her ribs. Skin on skin, two bodies colliding, tangling. Dani can’t breathe when a thumb, then hot wet suction finds her nipple. Fingers slide in to her, curling, dancing, pulling a rhythm from her hips. She’s so wet, thrusting now, begging with her body, her cries, her nails scratching down perfect skin, weaving into hair, she’s so close, she’s so close, she’s so…_

She wakes at three am, more aroused than she’s ever felt in her life and the promise of an orgasm almost in reach, now fading away. It’s two hours before she’s able to get back to sleep, and she considers touching herself but it’s never worked before and somehow, she doesn’t want to now. It seems like a violation to touch herself thinking about Jamie.

She grumbles through Monday and Tuesday, managing not to scream at the children in frustration and accepting the coffee Becs brings her every morning tea with a shrug and a smile. She tries to sleep, and tries to watch television, and tries to read a book. She tries desperately not to think about beautiful eyes, and a gorgeous smile and a voice like molasses. She tries and she fails, repeatedly.

By Tuesday evening, she’s had enough. She’s barely able to eat from the roiling tumult in her stomach, and she’s just had enough.

She picks up her phone, resolutely, to delete the app and instead, finds herself opening it. She doesn’t browse, doesn’t even head that direction and instead flips open the chat section. Jamie is still her only option, and it seems, has not deleted her profile. Dani doesn’t know if she’s relieved or vaguely jealous of a theoretical possibility of Jamie hooking up with someone else.

Ridiculous.

Her thumb is moving of it’s own volition, opening the chat box and then typing. She hits enter before she can think, let alone over think. She’s too tired to filter.

_Poppins: Is it ridiculous that I miss talking to you?_

The box remains grey, staring at her mutely, compounding her stupidity by the second. She throws her phone on the bed and flops backwards. The patterns on her ceiling have not changed, and do not reveal anything new in their Rorschach ways, but she stares at them intently, begging them to. Begging for some clarity.

It’s a good five minutes before she hears the buzzing vibration.

_Leafling: Not ridiculous at all._

Dammit. Nothing in that reply helped her in the slightest. She’s been turning this over in her head for days and honestly, she’s washed-outfrom it. She feels faded, like curtains left in the sun for too long. She wants to talk to Jamie, wants nothing more, but doesn’t even know how to reply to that line. She’s about to give up, when there’s one more buzz and she sees a mobile number has been dropped in to the chat.

She adds it to her phone and wonders if she’s supposed to call, or what? She opts for texting instead. The draw of Jamie is like a magnet.

_DC: Jamie?_

_JT: Had a school group through the gardens this morning. Do all teachers wear their pants that high or was it just him?_

Dani feels some of the tension seep out of her bones, lies back, phone in hand. The message brings a small smile to her face. How does this feel like a warm safe space? How? She runs her thumb over the portrait in the corner, saves the contact and settles back on her pillow.

_DC: It’s part of the teacher code I’m afraid. I’ve been fined multiple times for having them well below my arm pits. Must have shirt tucked in too._

_JT: He had an actual whistle on a chain around his neck. A whistle Dani._

_DC: He sounds delightful. Should get his number._

_JT: He was a complete prat. Kept talking over me to tell the kids about plants and photosynthesis. Wouldn’t have minded so much if he hadn’t been completely fucking wrong. Why me?_

_DC: Oh god, mansplaining. I hate mansplaining so much. I once had a father at a parent teacher conference tell me I was spelling my own name incorrectly._

_JT: How do you spell it?_

_DC: Danielle_

_JT: Isn’t that the normal way?_

_DC: He wanted a Y_

_JT: Dear god. I would have broken the blackboard over his head._

_DC: You know we don’t use those any more right? Blackboards?_

_JT: Poppins, it’s been a damn long time since I’ve set foot in a school. Back in my day they still used the cane._

_DC: Oh they did not, you’re not much older than me._

_JT: OK, they wanted to use the cane. On me anyway._

_DC: I bet you were an adorable kid_

_JT: I’m snorting with laughter over here. You have no idea._

It’s much later when Jamie sends her a yawn emoji and Dani realises that two hours have passed. Two wonderful hours that had recaptured some of the warm feeling in her stomach from Friday. Before sending one last goodbye message, she can’t help herself and instead, sends something to give herself some hope. She’s unwilling to give up this feeling.

_DC: Would you want to hang out again sometime? Just hang out?_

She knows it sounds like the most adolescent suggestion ever, but she wants to get the message across that she’s respecting Jamie’s decision. She thinks that if the answer is no, she’s definitely deleting the contact information and possibly moving back to Iowa.

_JT: What are you doing Friday night?_

_DC: Finding an excuse not to carry my drunk friends back to their apartment._

_JT: Come bowling with us instead._

_DC: You have bowling?_

_JT: Jesus Dani, it’s London, we have everything. Yes we have bowling._

_DC: I’m in._

It’s only later, as she’s drifting off to sleep, that she realises Jamie had said ‘us.’

**************************

Us turned out to be the mustachioed gentleman from behind the bar from A Batter Place, and an elegant, dark skinned woman with a quiet smile and kind eyes.

“Owen, Hannah, this is Dani. Poppins, this is Owen, cake baker extraordinaire, and Hannah, the most patient person on the planet.”

“Poppins?” Owen asks, shaking her hand.

“Used to be a nanny. Jamie seems to like it.”

“It’s a good nickname, sticks.”

Jamie is dressed in simple jeans and a baseball tee, with battered converse on her feet. Her hair is loose, and she looks carefree and happy.

Dani could swoon.

She had once again spent far too much time deciding on what to wear when it was only fucking bowling. She hadn’t been able to ask for help because she’d kept this small outing to herself all week. She and Jamie had chatted most nights, back and forth texts about their days, whatever they were reading, general thoughts on the world. Dani knew she could have told Becs, but for some reason, she didn’t want to. She knew she was probably treading in somewhat dangerous water because her crush had done the opposite of abating, but she couldn’t give it up, this burgeoning friendship.

The bowling alley Jamie has brought them to, in the East End, has an old style American feel to it. There are banks of diner seats along the wall, and a soda fountain diner style bar on the other end. The lanes are lit with colourful neon lights. It makes Dani smile.

“Feel at home?” Jamie grins.

“Not even slightly. The bowling alleys at home are definitely not this clean or nice. Plus there seems to be a lack of men named Ted offering to polish your ball.”

Jamie raises a quizzical eyebrow. “That’s a common feature then?”

“Permanent. Sometimes he’s named Ed.”

“I think we’re all out of Eds and Teds but I can polish your ball for you if you need.” It’s cheeky, flirty and it makes Dani smile and roll her eyes simultaneously.

They exchange their footwear for the universal red and white shoes, and find a lane.

“Ready to get your ass kicked Sharma?” Jamie says with a grin.

“Are we doing this in teams or solo?”

Jamie eyes Dani up and down. “Can you bowl?”

Dani shrugs. “I’m OK at it.”

“Teams, and I get Dani.”

Owen looks at Hannah, who merely shrugs with a smile, and then back at them. “That means I get the best. You’re on. Prepare to eat lane dust ladies.”

A coin toss sees Owen go first. He does ok, knocking down six pins, and hands over to Jamie, who is annoyed by her seven ten split. Hannah’s ball never quite makes it to the back of the lane before running in to the gutter. She manages one pin with her second. They all turn to look at Dani expectantly when her turn comes up. She weighs a few balls and picks one, before Jamie saunters over, there’s really no other way to describe it, and leans in.

She smells like spice and rain, Dani thinks.

“OK, no pressure here but I’m pretty sure I can up the ante to an entire cake if we win.”

“Double chocolate fudge?”

“With freshly whipped cream.”

Dani nods. “I’ve got this.”

She wriggles her shoulders and tries to let muscle memory take over. Three frames later, Owen is staring at her with his mouth open, Hannah looks frankly amused and Jamie looks smug. Two strikes and a spare to her name, Dani is feeling good.

As Owen desperately tries to scratch a score back, Jamie sits down next on the hard plastic seat nest to Dani and throws her arm over the back of the chair. “You’re ‘OK’ at it?”

“OK enough to be my local under 14 champion,” she grins at Jamie. “What? There’s not a lot to do in Iowa and they had great milkshakes at the alley.”

“And Ted?”

“Great ball polisher, as long as you stayed out of arms reach.”

Jamie tips her head back, laughing and then stretches. It leaves a small bit of her abdomen on show and Dani’s mouth goes dry. “This is going to be the best victory.”

“You Bowling shark’d me Taylor!” Owen exclaims, “This is cheating!”

“No, this is me choosing excellent teammates. Don’t be a sore loser.” Jamie gives her a grin, with added dimples.

They win easily, naturally. Hannah is terrible at bowling, and in the end Dani is giving her tips, helping her improve. Jamie’s protests fall on deaf ears because they’re so far ahead it’s not really a competition. Besides, she doesn’t really mean it because it’s Hannah. They finish up, and the lane is taken by the next group forcing them to leave.

“Drinks?” Owen asks as they walk out.

“On you?”

“Jamie when do I ever make you pay for your drinks? Or your food?”

Dani manages to catch Jamie, under hear breath. “Wait did you buy me dinner last Friday or did Owen?”

Jamie grins at her. “Does it matter?”

“It matters if you used it to get into my good graces.”

Jamie laughs. “I did pay. I made him let me. He mostly feeds me sandwiches and the occasional beer. Come one though, he owes us cake.”

A Batter Place is winding up, and Dani is momentarily worried that it’s about to close before she hears one of the waiters call Owen ‘boss’ and realises he’s not, in fact, the barman, but the owner. Jamie takes the same stool she was in Friday, and pats the one next to her.

Owen, tea towel suddenly over his shoulder, pops up behind the bar. “Dani, what can I get you?”

“Uh…”

  
“He’s an alright ‘mixologist’,” Jamie uses actual air quotations for the word, “but don’t ask him for anything too fancy.”

“UnBARlievable,” says Owen, seeming completely nonplussed. “See if I give you a drink.” He says this, while placing a beer bottle on a coaster in front of her.

“Um, red wine?” She doesn’t want to go too hard tonight. She’s enjoying herself, doesn’t want to be fuzzy. Sitting here, she can feel Jamie’s thigh brushing hers in the small space. Hannah is on the other side of Jamie, seemingly content just to be in the moment. Dani has noticed that she doesn’t necessarily talk a lot, but when she does, it’s worth listening to. She seems softer, older than Jamie and Owen. It’s hard to tell, with her close shaven hair and perfect skin, but she has a maturity about her. Of course, Jamie and Owen seem to bring out the immaturity in each other, so the comparison may not have been fair.

“Shiraz or Cab Sav? I think I have a nice Malbec,” Owen starts looking through his bottles.

“Shiraz is fine.”

Moments later a far too large glass of red is in front of her, and she takes a sip. It is good. “Hannah, what do you do for a living?”

“Oh I’m a restaurant manager.” Hannah rubs a hand over her head.

“Near here?”

Owen and Jamie look at her. “AT Here,” says Owen. “Place would fall down without her.”

“Oh.” Dani blushes, feeling like an idiot. “Of course. How stupid of me.”

Jamie pats her on the back gently. “S’alright Poppins, you weren’t to know.”

“Is that how you met?”

“We all used to work at a big country estate together,” said Owen, leaning on the bar. “I was the cook, Hannah the housekeep, Jamie the pain in the arse.”

“He means gardener.”

“I meant what I said. And I said what I meant.”

“You’re still mad because I put spiders in your flour.”

“Too me forever to clean that off the floor. And the walls. And the ceiling.”

“They were plastic!” Jamie exclaims. “And I didn’t expect you to throw it everywhere like a toddler!”

“They looked very real!”

“Are they always like this?” Dani says to Hannah.

“No,” says Hannah mildly. “Sometimes they’re worse.”

“You love us,” Jamie scoffs.

“You can love someone while seeing who they really are darling. You can love someone while they’re ripping you in two.”

Dani watches as Owen reaches over the counter, squeezes Hannah’s hand as it sits there. Hannah’s expression hasn’t changed, and she doesn’t seem any less happy than she did a moment before.

“Little dark for a Friday night?” Murmurs Jamie.

“True though,” Dani offers, earning her a careful look from Jamie. “Though I always thought that people get love and ownership mixed up. They’re opposites really.”

“Very true,” agrees Hannah. “And Jamie dear, I know you’ll never hurt anyone. Not in your nature.”

Jamie scoffs again, drinking down a gulp of her beer, expression strange on her face.

“So you all worked together?”

“Yeah, it’s closed up now. I still work for the owner at his London house. Not the massive gardens, but it keeps me busy. Got a few of his neighbours too. Good honest work.” Dani loves that Jamie looks truly happy when talking about her job. Even by text the animation when she’s talking about plants is palpable.

“I got this place, and Hannah has been making it a success.”

“It’s your cooking love,” Hannah waves her hand back. “I just …”

“Make everything work like clockwork.”

“That’s Hannah’s job,” Jamie agrees. “Making everything work. Glue that holds us together.”

They keep laughing, telling Dani all the stories they can think of, weaving in to the early hours of the morning. It’s been such an odd evening for Dani. She’s had another brilliant time, not just in Jamie’s presence but getting to know Hannah and Owen also. She sees why they’re such close friends, they all seem like lovely people. They seem like the kind of friends Dani wished she’d had growing up, or at least in her early twenties at college. Her friends had always just been Eddie’s friends. The girls, the girlfriends of the guys, forced into friendships of convenience.

Jamie, too, was a revelation in this setting. On Friday she’d been funny, charming, and incredibly sexy. She was still all of those things, but there wasn’t an agenda here. There wasn’t a pressure to perform, and now she was at ease. Jamie at ease was a lot more dangerous than Jamie on a mission, Dani thinks. Or, if not more dangerous, then probably slightly more appealing. There was no shaking her crush, but also no shaking her desire to just spend more time with Jamie.

The fact that their legs were still touching, bumping at the knees, and on the small space of the counter, their arms occasionally brushed, was not helping. Nor was the fact that Jamie still bloody smelt like spice and fresh rain.

There is cake. There is laughter, and more wine. There is friendship and warmth and for Dani a happiness that she hadn’t quite known she was capable of. There’s just contentment wrapping her up like a shawl on a winters day.

It stretches on, for days, weeks. They become, for want of a better term, a foursome. Dani still hangs out with Becs, and by extension Jenna even though Dani finds her difficult to spend time with. They tease her about how quickly she’ll jump ship if given the opportunity to be with Jamie instead.

Dani knows she’s playing with fire. Her feelings for Jamie are doing the opposite of mellowing. They’re maturing, like a fine port. It’s hard not to see it, let it happen. Jamie is smart and compassionate, loves her friends. She does little things, when they’re not looking, just to make them happy. She’s wonderful, for lack of any better term, and Dani knows that she’s already far past safe in her heart.

They get along so well. There’s an ease to their time together. Two couples who aren’t couples, spending their spare time together, it seems crazy to Dani but it’s also such a joy.

Jamie sighs along with Dani when explaining that Hannah and Owen are not together, Dani’s obvious misunderstanding, and they talk about how things should be instead of how they are. There are literal walks in the park on sunny days, and a picnic, and all the good things that life should offer. There’s more bowling and endless nights at A Batter Place. There’s movies and soup and things that should be, could be dates, but aren’t.

Dani is in way too deep, but there’s no pulling out now.

There’s dinner at Owen’s flat, him serving them his best roast, with good wine and warm laughter and Jamie with her arm flung around the back of a chair leaning in to give him a roasting of his own and then Dani sees it.

On Jamie’s neck.

It’s pretty unmistakable really, the characteristic bruise of someone’s mouth having lingered for too long. A hickey. That’s all. Just one hickey, low down on Jamie’s neck, where her collar brushes her skin perfectly and Dani has spent too much time wondering what it tastes like _right_ there. Looks like someone else got there first.

The cold that rushes through her is nauseating. She freezes in place, eyes unable to tear away, while the laughter goes on around her, and Jamie turns, eyes twinkling and alight, so damn beautiful.

“You alright Poppins?”

She smiles. It feels brittle to even her. Nods. “Yeah, great.”

A sip of wine. Owen moves to the kitchen, aiming for dessert and Hannah goes with him, taking empty plates. They move seamlessly with each other, a perfect duo. Not perfect. Not yet. Dani doesn’t understand how they don’t see it, their perfection with each other. Then she looks at Jamie and it makes it a bit clearer.

Dani takes another sip of wine, and regards Jamie’s neck thoughtfully.

“OK, somethings going on in that pretty head of yours. Can see the cogs moving from here.” Jamie raises an eyebrow, it’s a look that Dani loves on her.

“Mmm. Just noticed something.”

The urge to play it cool, in complete defiance of the raging torrent flying through her limbic system, has Dani being almost suave.

“Oh?”

She reaches over and hooks into Jamie’s collar, pulls it back and then gently pokes the hickey with her forefinger.

When she looks at her face, Jamie is bright, bright red.

“Oh.”


	4. One Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dani has a visitor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have shot the rating right up to E people. This chapter is 80% smut and 20% Dani standing her ground. 
> 
> Maybe now you'll all stop yelling at me? I'm kidding. NEVER stop yelling at me. The comments on this have been phenomenal and they give me life. Seriously, you have no idea how much it makes me want to write when you comment.

The night air is cool when Dani steps out into it. It’s the end of March, and while it’s warming up, there’s still a bite in the air sometimes. Jamie steps out after her, heading in the same direction. They live relatively close to each other, as large cities go, Jamie in a tiny one bedroom flat above a pub. She’s filled it with plants and books. Dani has only been there once or twice, but she’d found the space exhilarating. It was pure Jamie, and she felt like she could have immersed herself there for hours just sitting, inhaling the Jamieness.

“Nice night,” Jamie says.

Dani can tell that she’s off kilter, mostly because their conversation had been abruptly cut short when Owen and Hannah had returned to the table. Dani hadn’t forgotten though. The itch running through her, the questions turning over in her head, had not disappeared.

“Mmm…” she’s grinning at Jamie now, a teasing smile that is real, but also hides some of her other feelings.

She sees Jamie rub her neck, right over that damn hickey, bashful, pulling her coat collar up. Dani can’t help it and laugh at her.

“Oi.”

“It’s funny.”

“S’not,” Jamie protests.

Dani shoves her hands in her pockets. They walk for a block or so, in companionable silence, until she says what’s on her mind. “I was thinking of getting back on the app.”

Jamie stops, on a corner under a streetlight and turns to her, grabbing her sleeve. “Wait up, what?”

Dani shrugs. “I was thinking of looking at the app again.” Her eyes drift up to Jamie’s neck, and then dart away quickly. “Get myself out there.”

She feels like an asshole for saying it. She knows she is. She’s taunting Jamie, and she knows that too. Jamie has offered her friendship, and she’s taken it with both hands gratefully. It’s been worth it, every second, even if Dani wants more. Jamie isn’t offering more, hasn’t offered more. The light flirting she pulls off at every opportunity is just Jamie. It’s never so much as to make Dani think more was in the offing, it’s just a fun banter between them.

She also knows that she could keep quiet about this, her intentions, but if she’s being honest, she has no one to talk to about it. Becs is lovely, but has her own very firm ideas. Dani doesn’t even like Jenna, and as much as she’s come to love Owen and Hannah, this feels very much like a not them kind of a problem. In fact, the only person she trusts enough to have this conversation with is the one person she probably shouldn’t be having this conversation with.

But she is.

“Dani.”

“I could use your advice.”

“My advice is that it’s a fucking shark tank out there, and you should avoid swimming in it.”

“Well you got bitten,” Dani teases lightly. She doesn’t know what else to say. The urge that she gets sometimes, to rip her nail to the quick or bite down on her lip, keeps her wanting to know where Jamie has been.

Jamie’s hand jumps again to her neck, rubbing over it. “Look, I...”

“Hey, no shame here,” Dani interrupts.

“What this was, was a mistake,” Jamie says, bitterness laced through her tone. “A mistake, and nothing more.”

“Oh.”

“And they say that the only thing better than learning from your own mistakes is learning from someone else’s right?” Jamie gives her a look, a really pointed look.

Dani bristles. “Unless you don’t think I’m old enough and brave enough to make my own damn mistakes.” She turns abruptly, planning on walking off before Jamie catches her sleeve again. She may be willing to put up with many things but Dani is done putting up with anyone making her decisions for her.

“Hey, hey now I didn’t say that.” She holds Dani’s forearms gently, not gripping but just, holding. “I just… I don’t want to see you hurt.”

“I’m not stupid Jamie.”

“I also never said that.”

“But you’re acting like I am. You’re acting like I can’t figure out a good person from a bad person. That I need some kind of chaperone. I don’t need a bodyguard Jamie, or a big sister.”

Jamie runs a frustrated hand through her hair. “Damn. I’m not trying to be… I just… ”

“And I’m big enough and -”

“Brave enough to travel half way across the world. I know. Brave enough to change your world for yourself. Braver than me,” Jamie is soft now, so soft. Dani has told her a little of her life already. Of leaving Eddie, and coming out. Of going from the most constricted of lives, suffocating in the bounds placed upon her, to the recriminations and screaming, fleeing across countries just to be able to breathe. Dani has told her this, in bits and pieces, across the months. “I’m sorry. You’re absolutely right. I have no reason not to trust your judgment.”

“Right. Good.” Dani shoves her hands back in her pockets angrily. She doesn’t know if they should keep walking or keep having this ridiculous conversation on a street corner at eleven at night. “I can make my own decisions.”

“I know.”

“And I’m smart enough not to get into danger.”

“I know, I know.”

“And I’m allowed to make mistakes.”

“Everyone is,” Jamie agrees. “Dani. Come on. I’m sorry. Really. Please. I’m sorry.”

It’s hard to stay mad, truly angry, when Jamie sounds so contrite. It’s hard to stay mad when she’s looking at Dani like this, apologetic and a little like a small child caught doing the wrong thing. In fact, the anger subsides so fast Dani wonders if it’s magic. In her previous life her anger had seethed within her, bubbling away for weeks. Never allowed a pressure valve release, it had seeped into her very pores sometimes, until she’d had to swallow it down or go crazy. Now it’s just… going. Gone.

“I really, really just don’t want you to get hurt OK. I care.”

“Jamie,” Dani’s voice carries a warning and Jamie immediately puts her hands up in defense.

“No, no, I mean it. You’re smart and capable and you can do what you want, no argument from me there. I just want you to have all the good things you deserve. You’re my friend, I want that for you. And it makes me scared because I know what kind of assholes are out there. I also know you can take care of yourself. I’m sorry if… if that wasn’t the message I was conveying. I promise not to bring it up again. Or … act like a dumb jock.”

Dani knows this is all half truths. Dani knows, is not stupid enough not to, that they’re dancing around the dumb fact that they like each other. Dani knows, Jamie knows, and Dani also knows that Jamie refusing to budge on their mutual attraction is absolutely, one hundred percent all on Jamie.

She also knows that she’s half to blame for this conversation. She can’t deny it was a push, a probe. Can’t deny that she wants a different outcome, wants Jamie to wake up to how good they could be together. Instead she gets what she’s been offered: Steadfast, loyal, kind, _friend_ Jamie. Protective, yes, but apparently not constrictive.

Nothing about this feels like control. It feels like frustration wrapped in confusion wrapped in longing and with a giant bow of stupid on top, but nothing about it feels like control. Which makes it hard to stay mad. Especially when Jamie is apologising and now being gracious and really, if Dani is being honest, hasn’t done more than raise a slight concern about her well being.

“I don’t have a lot of people to talk this stuff over with,” she admits quietly.

“Well I’m here. Always.” Jamie shoves her hands in her pockets too, turns, starts walking slowly enough for Dani to get the idea and join her. “Text, call, drinks, whenever.”

“OK.”

“And I really am sorry.”

“I know, you can stop apologising.”

“Probably can’t,” Jamie laughs. “Once I start it just keeps going.”

“Oh god you’re going to be insufferable aren’t you.”

Jamie grins, and the ease is back. Somehow, despite everything, the ease is back.

**********

Friday goes as Friday does at a school, with children unwilling to really listen and teachers gunning for the five o’clock drinks. Rebecca is at her from morning break to come out with Jenna and herself, but Dani demurs. She’s over Jenna talking about her getting laid, and she’s been out twice this week with Jamie alone. A quiet night in is in order, which sounds ridiculous for a twenty five year old on a Friday night.

Tim is working, so she has the flat to herself. She throws on sweatpants, a t-shirt, puts her hair up and her music on loud, and cleans the damn house. She’s always felt better when the world around her was in order. When her thoughts are in disarray, putting other things into tidyness calms her down. She’s halfway through belting out Lady Gaga when she hears a sharp knock on the door.

Oops. Probably had the music up too loud.

She turns it down and opens the door to apologise to whichever neighbour is cranky, to find a rather amused Jamie on her doorstep.

“Uh, hi.”

“Poker Face?”

Dani flushes, biting her lip and wondering just how much of her off key singing Jamie has heard.

“Sing it better than me anyway. Don’t know the words but my voice has been described as a weapon of mass destruction, banned by the Geneva convention.”

Dani laughs, letting Jamie in. She’s been here once before, to collect Dani for a night out. They haven’t spent a lot of time in each other’s spaces, just in each other’s company. Jamie looks a little out of her comfort zone, hands in pockets, eyes darting around. Dani’s glad she’s at the tail end of her cleaning so the apartment is in order.

She looks down at her sweatpants and blanches. Great. Very sexy. She turns to Jamie, who is standing in the middle of her room and staring into space. Not at anything, just, staring at the wall.

“Um, are you OK? I didn’t miss something did I, plans?” Dani leans the broom up against the wall. “Can I get you something to drink? I…”

“Did you mean what you said?” Jamie turns to look at her, intense and unreadable. Her hands are still jammed in her pockets, Dani has no idea what is going on.

“About getting you a drink?”

“About wanting… a night.”

Dani feels her pulse speed up. This is not the conversation she was expecting to have in her sweatpants on a Friday evening. This wasn’t a conversation she was expecting to have at all.

“A night?”

“With someone. One night. To see what it’s like.”

Dani stares at her, feeling like maybe she’s accidentally stepped into Wonderland, through the mirror. She knows, deep inside, that the choice she makes here will have consequences, whatever she chooses. So she goes with her heart. “Yes.”

Jamie takes a step towards her, into her space. She lifts her hand to Dani’s cheek, taking a thread of golden hair that’s fallen out of her clip, and wrapping it around an index finger. “I like you like this.”

“In my sweatpants?” Dani squeaks.

Jamie smiles. “Comfortable. Natural. Just Dani. You’re beautiful.”

Dani can’t breathe, because Jamie is so close now and that index finger is brushing ever so softly against her cheek. Jamie’s eyes are so dark, and so vivid, and her thumb has come up to brush against Dani’s bottom lip.

Dani whimpers.

“One night,” Jamie whispers to her. “One night and I’ll show you… everything. If that’s what you want.”

Dani reaches out, grasps Jamie’s forearms because she thinks she might fall if she doesn’t. Her mouth is dry, heart pounding. She can’t stop looking at Jamie’s lips, soft, pink, a sheen of lip gloss. God, what do they taste like. Somewhere in the back of her head an alarm sounds but she doesn’t want to listen. “With you?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?” She whispers, so close now to that kiss, to everything she wants. She should say no. She knows instinctively that this is going to complicate the hell out of everything. She can’t say no.

“Yes.”

“Thank fuck,” Dani whispers, and kisses her.

Whatever her imagination had managed to conjure, whatever fleeting thoughts of kissing girls in general Dani had managed throughout the years, nothing could have prepared her for the sheer wonder of kissing Jamie Taylor.

She expected fast, and hungry, or her own lips fumbling and unsure. She didn’t expect Jamie’s hand to slide around, cupping the back of her neck, brushing their lips together slowly, almost tentatively. She didn’t expect to whimper, loud to her own ears, when Jamie’s tongue came out to brush her lower lip.

She has to move then, pulling on Jamie’s waist — god how had her hands gotten there — so that there’s no space between them. She wants to feel Jamie everywhere, pressed against her. Jamie tilts, brings their lips together harder, pressing her tongue against the seam of her mouth, asking. A wish granted, Dani opening to her, hot. A tongue flicking in along her lips, tracing the back of her teeth, flicking against her own tongue.

This kiss, more intricate, more delicate, more hungry than Dani has ever known. Her hands move now, to Jamie’s face, to her shoulders, to the back of her head. She never wants this kiss to end, the electricity running through her, never wants to take her hands off Jamie. They break apart when oxygen becomes a crucial issue, and Dani is pleased to see Jamie breathing hard, flushed, pupils blown wide.

“Bedroom,” she says in a low voice.

She takes Jamie’s hand, feigning confidence she doesn’t own, and takes her there, lest Tim suddenly come home. She’s been handed an opportunity, a thread of possibility, and she’s not about to lose it to an errant flat mate.

Once the door is closed, any bravado she has flees, as she sees Jamie, still staring at her, in her space, in her room. She’s so afraid, in that hanging moment, that Jamie will change her mind and back out, leave her like this. Now that she knows this kiss, has met this feeling, she’s afraid she’ll lose it.

But Jamie steps forward again, bracketing her against the door. She kisses her again, one hand wound in her hair. This kiss is hunger personified, faster and deeper, harder and hotter. All Dani can do is hang on, her hands gripping Jamie’s hips as trails of fire expand from her lips.

Her body has never felt like this. A combination of pure heat, combustion, a live wire, jerking towards Jamie without thought.

Two kisses, Dani thinks fleetingly. Two kisses and she’s already more aroused than she’s ever been in her entire life.

Jamie breaks free, letting Dani take a heaving breath. Jamie’s thumb is on her chin, fingers gripping gently, turning her head with firm but tender movement, her mouth a hot move of kisses from Dani’s jaw down her neck. Her body is pushing in, as she steps one leg between Dani’s, her hips jerking forward.

Christ.

Her mouth seems relentless, fingers pulling aside the loose collar of her t-shirt to leave biting kisses on her shoulder. Dani knows she’ll see marks in the morning, and in the dark corner of her mind, wants to beg for them. She wants Jamie to leave a trace. The pressure, starting so subtly Dani hadn’t even noticed, is now ramping, the thigh between her legs. Jamie is holding her to the door while hands skim down her sides, under that loose t-shirt, finding the skin at Dani’s waist.

Fingers, rough callouses, sliding across her skin as Jamie’s mouth keeps making hot passes across her pulse point, up the arched corded muscle of her neck, to her earlobe, biting down.

Dani whimpers again, pushing down against the pressure. She’s so... she could… she needs… she feels like she’s hurtling towards an orgasm. Impossible, unheard of, inconceivable, but she’s unable to stop herself moving.

“Fuck. Bed, now.” Jamie says, words rough in her throat. Dani is spun around, gently, the world tilting.

She finds herself on her back, doesn’t know where her shirt is, whipped off in the urgency to make it to the bed. Dani should feel self-conscious, but Jamie is leaning over her and looking down on her with eyes full of awe and worship. A hand trails down her sternum, across her stomach before turning back and cupping one of her breasts gently. All Dani can see is Jamie’s lips, parting, and then the caress of a thumb has her eyes falling closed again, arching.

Jamie makes love to her with painstaking precision. Dani’s own hands are frantic, grasping. She pulls at clothes, demanding their banishment, until it’s just skin on skin, pressed close and hot. They move, a rhythm older than the stars, delicious friction pushing Dani relentlessly onwards.

She scores her nails down Jamie’s back when Jamie’s tongue dances on her nipple.

The answering gasp, jerked up head, eyes so dark and irises gone, makes Dani want, want, want. She winds her fingers in Jamie’s hair, pulls, not gently in the slightest, dragging their mouths together in a hard, fast, almost sloppy kiss that tastes like promise.

“Jamie,” she moans it, unable to stop the jerking of her hips. “Jamie please.”

Jamie, she knows, has been so careful not to rush. She doesn’t make promises that she can’t keep, and she’s promised Dani she’ll show her everything, but Dani is well past ready.

A hand on her knee, gently moving them, manouevering them until Jamie’s hand can slide up. The tickle of fingers on her inner thigh makes Dani shudder and the greatest noise she’s ever heard is the groan Jamie makes when her fingers finally find wet, hot warmth waiting for her.

“Don’t… don’t tease,” she begs Jamie.

“I’ve got you,” Jamie promises. “God you’re so beautiful.”

In this moment, this dappled, perfect single point in time, Dani believes her.

Jamie’s fingers are nimble, and quick. They seem to know exactly how to move to make Dani writhe. When one of them probes, testing if she’s ready, Dani nearly breaks a hip pushing up against it, nodding back against the pillow, hot panting breaths falling around her.

One finger, gentle, testing, then two. Two fingers, twisting, curling, the wet hot click of sex while Jamie’s mouth rains kisses down on every piece of skin she can find. Dani keens, shuddering towards a climax she can almost taste. Jamie’s thumb, working over time, circling, circling, drives her.

And then, like the cosmos shattering into an infinite shower of time and space, Dani comes.

And comes, and comes and comes. It doesn’t seem to end, wrenching the noise from her throat in an almost obscene cry, folding her around Jamie until she can take no more and she’s whimpering, still shuddering, limp on the bed.

Because Jamie seems to know exactly how her body works, she knows to stop, to withdraw, and hovers over Dani on forearms, still kissing free in gentle slow caresses.

Dani wraps her arms around damp shoulders, pulling her down, until Jamie laughs and rearranges them so that no one is crushing anyone else and Dani is cradled against her chest.

“Alright Poppins?”

Dani takes a deep breath. Alright doesn’t even begin to cover how she feels right now, and the words stick in her throat.

_I think you broke me and I want to stay broken forever._

“Yeah.”

Jamie’s hand is gently drawing finger tips up and down her back, and Dani takes the time to catalogue every point at which their bodies are touching. Jamie’s skin is warm to the touch, more tanned than her own; she’s smooth, toned, beautiful.

Dani runs her fingers down an arm, to a hip, tracing around, and smiles when she hears a sharp intake of breath.

“Dangerous territory that.”

Dani kisses her shoulder. “You don’t like being touched?”

“Not complaining as such.”

Dani doesn’t stop touching, just adjusts her trajectory to be a little more bold. Jamie’s breast is smaller than her own, so soft in her hand except for the hard, pebble in her palm. She rolls Jamie over, takes some time to touch everything she’d ever imagined, until Jamie is the one trying very hard not to move under her. She’s failing.

“Dani…”

“Mmm,” Dani’s lips are skating along the bottom of Jamie’s ribs, and she bites experimentally.

“Fuck.”

Dani likes that noise. Likes the responses she can elicit. Jamie is addictive. She kneels up, between Jamie’s legs, letting her eyes scan up and down.

“Dani…”

“Yes.”

“You don’t… you don’t have to…” Jamie’s words wrench off in a gasp as Dani’s fingernails scratch down her thigh. “Fuck.”

“You promised you’d show me everything,” Dani whispers. “I want to know how to…”

“Halfway there already,” Jamie says. She seems content to lie there, open and pliant in front of Dani, though her body is not still. Dani loves that she’s made her want like this. Dani can see the signs of arousal from here, flushed face, bright eyes, but Jamie will not rush her.

“I want to touch you.”

Jamie reaches out, takes one of Dani’s hands and with their eyes connected, brings it down. “Feel what you’ve done to me.”

It’s Dani’s turn to gasp, eyes widening. Jamie is wet for her, coating her fingertips.

“Touch me here,” Jamie whispers, bringing those fingertips up to brush against the already straining central point of her pleasure, before arching back. “Yeah, yeah like that.”

Dani is very good at following instructions. It takes her a few seconds, but she finds a rhythm that works, one that lets her explore a little too, down and up, around. It has Jamie’s hips undulating and fingers gripping the sheets.

“Fuck… Dan… can… inside, can you?”

  
Dani finds that she definitely can, and the moment that two of her fingers are enveloped in tight, wet heat, she wonders if she can find a way to never leave. Jamie moans, a strangled noise, and all Dani wants is to make this keep happening. She moves her fingers, remembers how Jamie had moved in her and tries to copy. It seems to work.

Jamie is less controlled now, grasping the sheets, head thrashing. “God, god,” murmurs from her lips.

Dani swallows, her own arousal spiking again. Already again.

“Need…” Jamie’s words are reed thin, and cut off when Dani pushes into her all the way. “Oh god.”

“What,” Dani whispers, “what do you need.”

“Other… other hand,” Jamie flails for it, until Dani offers it, and brings it down to join. “Please, oh god please.”

Dani gets the idea, brings her thumb in, working her hands in tandem. The effect is explosive. It’s moments, mere moments, before Jamie is crying out her name – _her name_ – while shuddering convulsively under her, clenching around her, spilling over her.

“Fuck,” she whispers.

None of this is like anything she’s ever known. A foreign landscape, littered with everything she’d ever hoped to be true but had never been able to see before.

And Dani gets it. She finally gets it.

***************************************

Morning afters are supposed to be awkward, at least as far as Dani has known. The sight of Eddie grinning at her, leering almost, a reminder of the awkward, painful encounters of the night before, had always been enough to put her off breakfast. She would be out of bed, fast, away, trying desperately to scrub any remains off her body in the shower before the sun was barely up.

This time, it’s as different as night from day.

She wakes with the memory plastered across her skin. She can still feel Jamie’s fingertips on her, tongue, lips. Jamie, who is passed out in her bed, making adorable noises in her sleep. Jamie, who she had wrapped herself around when they’d finally passed out from exhaustion.

Memories rise within her, front and centre, and she doesn’t want to brush them away, run. She wants to hold them in her hands and drink from them again.

_Jamie, between her legs, grinning up at her while Dani whimpers. Jamie’s tongue doing sinful things in a dance on her clitoris, Dani shuddering and shuddering. Jamie, chasing Dani’s orgasm by straddling her thigh and sliding along her, unable not to take her own pleasure while Dani grasps her hips, pulling, wanting so much to give it. Jamie, head thrown back as she comes apart on Dani’s leg, hot and silky._

She doesn’t even want to shower, aware that to anyone else she probably smells like sex and sweat. She wants it to linger on her, just for a bit longer. At least until she has to face someone that isn’t Jamie.

She’s awake now, throws on her robe and catches herself in the mirror as she does. From just a glance she finds four bruises that make her blush, and she thinks those might be bite marks on her hip. She’s pretty sure those are bite marks on her hip.

She pads into the kitchen. Tim’s bedroom door is very slightly ajar, suggesting he hasn’t come home, and Dani is grateful. At no point last night had she or Jamie given any thought to being quiet. Even if she had thought of it, Dani isn’t certain that she’d have been able to. She can do without the relentless teasing though.

She puts two cups of water in the microwave, and throws some toast into the toaster. She’s hungry, and while she’s fairly sure breakfast in bed is supposed to be some kind of egg and bacon affair, preferably with freshly squeezed juice, she thinks jam on toast will probably have to do.

She’s just finished making herself a cup of coffee and Jamie a cup of tea when she hears feet on the tiles behind her and then arms wrap around her centre. A warm kiss is pressed to the back of her neck.

“Mornin’”

She covers Jamie’s hands, leaning back for a second. “Hi.”

“Is that tea?”

“Yeah, it is.” She pushes the cup to Jamie who gives her a sleepy half smile.

“For me? You’re an angel.” Jamie takes a sip and then makes a face that Dani has never seen before, and very carefully lets the tea slide back into the cup from her mouth. “I take that back. You’re trying to kill me.”

Dani glares at her. “I am not! What’s wrong with it.”

“That, Poppins, is not tea.”

“It is! Tea bag and everything.”

“Tastes like sugar water with some kind of background flavour. And milk,” Jamie regards her. “Nevermind, I can remake.”

Dani knows her face must show a little of the dismay she’s feeling because Jamie chuckles, puts down the cup and pulls her into her arms. “Hey now, nevermind. It was a lovely gesture. Even if you were trying to poison me.”

“I was not!” Dani protests, burying her head in Jamie’s shoulder and vaguely noting that it’s Dani’s shirt she’s wearing.

Jamie holds her close, before pulling back and tilting her chin up. “Let’s try this again eh. Good Morning.” Then she kisses her and Dani feels the world melt away. The softness of the good morning kiss turns to something a little more urgent as they move, mouths opening, tongues searching. Dani is gripping Jamie’s hips and panting a little now.

How can she feel like this again? Already?

Jamie pulls back, eyes dark and sparkling. “I suppose that a truly good night isn’t properly done unless it has a truly good morning after?”

Dani nods, because when you’re a pile of jelly on your own kitchen floor, there isn’t much else you can do.

Jamie laces their hands together and pulls her from the kitchen, back to the bedroom and shuts the door behind them before spinning, grabbing Dani by the hips and essentially tossing her on the bed. Dani bounces with a squeal and Jamie laughs, sliding on to the bed between her legs and grabbing her hips again.

The way she’s handling Dani has her almost instantly wet, lips parting. Jamie strips off the robe with ruthless efficiency, flinging her own shirt off and then grabbing Dani’s hips again, sliding her down the bed until her ass is on Jamie’s lap. The angle is so carnal, so open and exposed, Dani can’t help shudder. Especially as Jamie’s glittering eyes are on her now, thumbs spreading her.

“God look at you, already wet for me,” Jamie murmurs, seeming utterly pleased by the discovery.

Whatever last night had been, a journey of discovery and truth, of new worlds and shared experiences, this, Dani decided, was a different beast. She feels like Jamie was devouring her with her eyes, and when Jamie slides two fingers up, and in to Dani’s mouth, she whimpers.

She has no idea what was going on, only that her head was spinning with lust and that she trusts Jamie with whatever she has in mind.

Fingers now wet, Jamie trails them down her body, checks that Dani is ready, and before Dani can make any noise, is buried to the hilt.

“Fuck.”

Jamie’s epithet is reverent, a whisper. Dani screams hers at the ceiling.

Jamie’s rhythm is set, not fast or slow but unrelenting. She uses her position to make every thrust count, her other hand on Dani’s hip, helping her move. Dani has gone from zero to sixty in under a second, and she doesn’t recognise her own body. Jamie’s thumb moves in concert, her other hand pressing down on her lower stomach.

It’s over so fast, so, so fast, Dani’s orgasm a freight train that will not be stopped. She can hear the noises, filthy, begging, hungry noises spilling from her mouth as her hands tear at the pillow behind her head. She arches, shakes, begs for the overwhelming pleasure to eat her alive before collapsing back on to the bed.

She pulls at Jamie, down on her, needing her close now. She feels hot tears spill from her eyes at the intensity of it all, and clings, breath hitching.

Jamie holds her, shaking a little herself, until Dani pulls herself together and emerges.

Jamie looks almost fearful, running her thumb over the arch of Dani’s cheek. “Are you ok? I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Dani gives a slightly choked laugh. “You didn’t hurt me, I promise. It was just… intense.”

Jamie kisses her forehead, but doesn’t look convinced.

“I’ve never felt like that,” Dani whispers, “like I was so out of control.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It was amazing.” She pulls back and looks up at Jamie, who still doesn’t look certain. “It was amazing.”

Jamie smiles then, softly. “I never want to hurt you.”

“You didn’t. I mean I think I’ll be a bit sore for a few days but in the good kind of way.” She gives Jamie a cheeky grin and is pleased to see it return. They lie together, for god knows how long, Dani thinking she could just sink into this feeling forever and never leave her flat.

She’s less pleased when Jamie leans over and checks the bedside clock. “Bugger, I’m going to have to go.”

“Really?” Dani feels the disappointment all the way to her core.

“Sadly, yes. I have to work a few hours today. Boss is having a garden party and I need to make sure it’s all spruced up.”

Dani kisses her shoulder, tries not to let her feelings show. She is excruciatingly aware of the promise that Jamie has made her. The promise of a single night, fulfilled beyond expectation. The moment that Jamie walks out that door, it’s over, and Dani thinks she might burst into tears.

She doesn’t. She throws her robe back on, and tries not to watch as Jamie shimmies back in to last nights jeans and shirt. She walks her to the door, and takes her gorgeous face in her hands, kissing her goodbye with an outside calmness ill reflecting her true state.

Jamie runs a thumb over her bottom lip. “Talk later?”

Dani nods, and then Jamie is gone.

She leans back against the closed door, and closes her eyes, willing her pounding heart to get under some control.

Later she will shower, and get dressed. Later she will head out for groceries, and maybe coffee with Rebecca while pretending the whole time that Jamie hasn’t spent all night flipping her world upside down.

Later.

For now, she just remembers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lil shout out to Knopecommaleslie who I absolutely took inspiration for in the form of "handling" 
> 
> Fuck me dude... thanks for the idea.


	5. She's Printed on my Skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dani takes matters into her own hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This could not be more NSFW 
> 
> Honestly I promised you lot a load of smut and here it is. I don't know that it's quite the emotional upheaval of the last few chapters, but it is a lot of smut. 
> 
> Please yell at me in the comments. I really enjoy it.

How she and Jamie can manage to have text message conversations about the most banal of topics like they hadn’t spent Friday night wrapped up in each other, is a complete mystery to Dani. She wonders if Jamie, on the other end of the phone, is as torn as she is. She wants to mention it, but like the proverbial war, she doesn’t, and thinks she gets away with it. One word might ruin it all, bring it crashing down. Despite her preternatural penchant for putting things in neat boxes, she just wants to watch this one play out instead.

Falling back into their friendship, albeit one spread out over days of texts, pictures and ridiculous internet memes, is too easy and too hard at the same time. She laughs at a message and then moments later has flashes of the taste of Jamie’s skin, so viscerally real it’s like being punched. It crosses Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, until Dani is going out of her ever-loving mind.

She knows what Jamie promised. She knows what she accepted. That doesn’t make it any less bizarre that they’re both pretending they haven’t slept together.

A Batter Place is closed Monday and Tuesday nights, and Owen likes to harass them all into dinner somewhere else on a Tuesday under the argument that it’s nice to have someone else cook for him for once. Dani loves the fact that she’s now a part of this tradition, having been dragged out every Tuesday for the last eight weeks.

Tonight though, tonight she considers bailing.

It isn’t that she doesn’t want to see Jamie, she desperately does. It’s that she isn’t sure she can keep her hands off Jamie. This simultaneously seems like a terrible idea, a violation of their agreement and the one thing Dani wants to do more than anything else she can think of. So she goes to dinner.

Of course tonight is the night that Jamie decides to dress up a little. She has her hair up, wearing a mandarin collar black and red shirt, and Dani wonders if she has time to flee, before Owen sees her walk in and waves her over.

She tries, she really tries, to be calm and nonchalant, kisses Hannah and Owen on the cheek, slides in to her chair next to Jamie, gives her a quick hello. The second their eyes meet, she swears to god the whole game is up. It takes everything she has to tear her eyes away, feeling like her face is on fire already. The cheeky grin Jamie is giving her is absolutely not helping.

If she downs her first glass of wine a little fast, that’s to be understood. If she finds herself relaxing in to the dinner, in to Owen’s ridiculous puns, and in to the fact that Jamie still fucking smells like spice and fresh rain, then that’s also to be understood. If the second glass of wine makes her bold, well, she supposes that’s on her.

Under the pretense of putting her napkin in her lap, she only returns one hand to the table. The other she slides, with surprisingly debonnaire flair, over to Jamie’s knee and presses in with her nails. Most of her expects Jamie to gently remove her hand. Instead she just feels her shift slightly, give a small cough that gives nothing away, and they both laugh along with whatever anecdote Hannah and Owen are riffing on. Slowly, like time is treacle, she moves her hand incrementally up Jamie’s thigh, scratching gently with her nails the whole time. It must be obvious. It has to be obvious.

If it is, no one gives it away.

She gets halfway up Jamie’s leg before a waiter appears with food and she’s forced to use both hands or look very strange. She’s reluctantly complies with social graces. Dinner tastes very nice, according to Owen, Hannah and Jamie. Danibarely registers the food in her mouth. It’s as though every single one of her senses is tuned directly into the woman next to her, and what’s left is used for maintaining the pretense that she’s actually engaged in the conversation. It’s a bit unfair to Owen and Hannah, she knows, because she’s come to love them dearly, but really, Jamie looks decidedly edible tonight.

Their plates empty, cleared, Dani is considering dropping her hand back under the table when she feels it. She’s wearing a skirt, and it’s very, very slowly, being drawn up her leg. It takes every bit of her self control not to gasp when she feels Jamie’s fingertips on the skin, just inside her knee. She shuffles a bit, leaning and taking an obvious sip of wine to cover her movement, and her legs part ever so slightly.

  
Granting access as she leans her elbows on the table and winds her fingers around the stem of her glass.

If she was subtle, Jamie is a goddamn stealth artist. Those fingers have barely moved, Dani thinks, she can’t remember them moving but they’re already an inch higher and so light they’re almost tickling.

Dani is wet. Immediately, irrefutably aroused and ready.

It’s so much worse when both Owen and Hannah choose to use the restrooms at the same time, and Dani half expects Jamie to remove her hand. Instead she waits until they’re clear, and leans in to Dani’s ear, nose brushing gently against it.

“Naughty.”

Dani takes a sip of her wine. “Don’t look so edible then.”

She knows Jamie is grinning, but refuses to turn her head to look. Those fingers though, the ones on her leg, slide up to very non safe heights, lingering on the inside of her thigh, where the soft skin ripples under Jamie’s touch.

“Dangerous game Poppins.”

Now she looks at Jamie, smiles sweetly and replies, “only if you don’t play it right.”

Jamie’s lips part, and then, she’s leaning back in her own chair and the hand is gone. Dani pretends to rearrange her napkin and gets her skirt back in place before smiling serenely at Hannah’s return. They manage, somehow, to keep their hands off each other for the rest of dinner, although that doesn’t stop them pressing their legs together, brushing lightly.

They pair off in opposite directions, saying their good-nights and heading out. At first she wonders if time and the night air has cooled Jamie off. She knows that she doesn’t feel any less turned on, but Jamie seems so content to wander down the street with her, hands in her coat pockets, just walking along side Dani as though they haven’t just had their hands on each other.

That is until she finds herself suddenly pulled by the hand in to a tiny street alcove and pushed against the wall and Jamie is there, hands either side of her head, breathing hard.

“Dani,” she whispers. It’s so close to her lips that she feels it when she hears it, and shudders.

She brings her hands to Jamie’s hips, pulling them forward, their bodies flush until Jamie is holding her up against the wall and her mouth drops to Dani’s neck. Dani arches, her fingers scratching down Jamie’s back over her shirt and pressing hot fingertips into the small of her back through the fabric.

Jamie bites down at the same time one of her hands rucks up Dani’s skirt and cups her through her underwear with no preamble whatsoever.

Dani moans. Her hips jerk at the needed contact, aware that she’s already slick and ready. All Jamie needs to do is move the flimsy fabric to one side and she can slide right in to Dani.

“You’re so wet,” Jamie says in wonder. “Fuck, Dani…” She bites down again on the tender flesh where Dani’s neck meets her shoulder.

Dani lets out a strangled noise of pleasure, hands clutching at shoulders.Jamie responds by removing herself from the situation and taking a step back. The noise Dani lets out now is one of supreme displeasure and it makes Jamie laugh.

With those wandering, talented hands gone, Dani tries to get her breathing back under control. She looks at Jamie, who looks so fucking beautiful even in darkness that her breathing does not, in fact, get back under control.

Dani decides to be bold. “I want you.”

Jamie makes a noise like she’s about to crack out of her skin.

“Jamie, don’t overthink this. Please. Just… can we…” She knows she’s begging now, breaking the covenant, stretching everything paper thin and it might rupture. She can’t _not._

“Not here, not on the street.”

She takes Dani by the hand and basically drags her the six blocks to Jamie’s apartment. She doesn’t have to try very hard, Dani is stumbling along with her at speed. Jamie has her pressed to the back of the door as soon as they’re inside. She can hear the rumbling noise of the pub downstairs echoed in her own chest and Jamie rucks up her skirt again, this time with both hands, fingers pressing gently as they slide up the outside of Dani’s thighs, nails and callouses, hot and firm.

They cup her ass, through her underwear, and pull her in to Jamie’s thigh. Their kiss is messy, hungry, Dani’s hands wound in Jamie’s hair while her hips grind down. She knows she’s spilling hot little noises into Jamie’s mouth, her tongue coming out to taste, dip into Jamie’s.

“Can you, like this?” Jamie asks, her mouth moving to bite at Dani’s jaw. “God can you?”

Dani nods, grinding down. She doesn’t know, she’s never felt like this, but Jamie’s hands are moving her hips and she’s so fucking wet, and the friction is delicious. “I … I think so..”

Jamie groans in her ear, filthy and needy. “Do it, for me.”

For Jamie. All for Jamie.

It doesn’t happen immediately, in that second, but it’s not long before Dani is crying out, head banging back against the door as her orgasm rolls through her and Jamie is moaning profanities in her ear, hands still cupping her ass, fingers flexing.

Harsh breaths, paired in intensity, flow into the air. Dani can’t believe that just happened, still can’t quite believe how her body responds to Jamie. She’s also astonished to find that she could absolutely, positively, go again. In fact, she might go crazy if Jamie doesn’t keep touching her.

“Bed?”

She hopes, really hopes, that Jamie doesn’t pull away now. This, she knows, was never in their agreement. Jamie though, drops her own coat to the floor and pulls off Dani’s, before making quick work of the buttons of Dani’s shirt.

Her mouth is working on Dani’s neck again, while hands seek out skin and Dani cants into her. “Jamie, bed.”

The message seems to get through, and she’s dragged across the apartment to the bed behind a curtain in the corner. The look in Jamie’s eyes, shining in the moonlight, is deliciously feral.

Dani doesn’t think she’ll get a lot of sleep tonight.

****************

This is how it begins really, their complete lack of any discussion and what seems like an endless series of heady nights. Dani has known lust, in a very distant, theoretical way. She’s seen women and wondered what it would be like to kiss them, touch them, lie side by side. She’s had a few drunken kisses at parties, surreptitious and guilty, in dark corners tainted by lies.

This though, this is something else. There is no useful phrase for what Jamie makes her feel. She can barely think of anything else, has to compartmentalise her life completely to get any work and normal human interaction done.

Everything and nothing has changed. They still go out regularly with Owen and Hannah. She still hangs out with Becs. She goes to work and watches her children grow and works hard. And in the intervening minutes, seconds, hours, she thinks about Jamie. She thinks about her smile and her laugh. She thinks about talking to her, how much she loves their conversations. She thinks about how her lips taste, feel, the wonders they can do.

She thinks about how she’s never had so much sex in her life and every-time gets better. Jamie teaches her that orgasms are not things to be rationed, that there’s an endless well to be tapped and Jamie is more than happy to work for them. Jamie teaches her that giving, watching someone else come apart under your hands, your touch, your mouth, is as addictive as being taken.

She comes, hard and fast, standing against the wall of her own apartment, Jamie on her knees with Dani’s leg over her shoulder. Jamie’s tongue working overtime, so exquisite in it’s pleasure that she doesn’t even know if Tim is home or not, hasn’t stopped to check. Dangerous and heady.

She comes apart on the end of the phone, her own hand coated in hot, wet slick and Jamie’s name a prayer on her lips, Jamie’s voice a hymn in her ears.

She comes in the shower, in Jamie’s bed, on Jamie’s floor, and over and over and over in Jamie’s arms. She learns that lying there after, flush and warm, is just as good as the sex.

She learns that she’s willing to ask for things, and the hot, needy look in Jamie’s eyes that comes when she does ask, is completely worth the brief embarrassment.

She learns that fast or slow, it’s always good. She learns that a well phrased text message, teasing and testing, might end up with Jamie at her front door with that same look in her eyes.

And that might end with her just like this, on the bed, on her knees, leaning down into her forearms and almost sobbing with frustration as Jamie just won’t fucking let her come.

“Please,” she whimpers.

Jamie is behind her, the naked skin of her thighs brushing Dani’s ass and she’s three fingers deep. She’s pressing hot, open mouthed kisses to Dani’s back as Dani’s fingers grasp the sheets. She pants, pushing back, previously unaware that she could relish the slight sting of the stretch. The fine line between pleasure and pain that has her strung out like this, is new. It’s new, and it’s good and she wants more, more, more.

“So good for me,” Jamie murmurs, “you’re being so good for me.”

Dani sob whimpers again, pushing back, until Jamie’s knuckles are buried up against her tender swollen flesh, pushing with a bruising intensity that would be too much if it wasn’t for the constant brush of Jamie’s other hand on her clit, sending out pulses of pleasure that banish any real discomfort.

“Jamie, Jamie please,” she begs shamelessly. “I … need…”

“Soon baby, soon. You’re so beautiful like this. Let me have a bit more?” Jamie’s voice is gravelled, sexy, flush with desire. How can words do this to her, push her so close to the precipice, and leave her dangling there. Just words, Dani thinks, Jamie could make her come with just words.

She’s so fucking close she can taste it.

Jamie’s fingers are twisting, finding that spot that always makes Dani see stars, but never for long enough to push her over. Jamie’s other fingers are dancing, never committed enough either.

Dani sobs into the pillow.

She’s so close.

“That’s it baby, that’s it,” Jamie’s hands move faster now, twisting and pushing, dancing in concert.

“Oh… god,” Dani chokes out. She knows her hips are moving, begging, trying to fuck herself back on to Jamie’s fingers. She hates to think what she looks like, here on her knees, head buried in the blankets, so wanton and needy, but she can’t stop.

“Fuck… come for me, Dani come for me.” Perhaps it’s the sheer pleasure and want in Jamie’s voice but the edge comes closer; a razor thin edge she glides down, reaching, reaching.

Dani whines, pushes back, her thighs trembling. For all that’s she’s been on the precipice for ever now, she’s still chasing and it’s still building as Jamie pushes in to her over and over and over until, with a cracked cry, she breaks.

She can’t breathe, can’t see. Stars spiral in front of her eyes as the pleasure courses through her, racing along her veins and exploding in her head. Jamie fucks her through it, prolonging it until Dani, for the first time in her life, nearly passes out.

She doesn’t, not really, not in the probably a medical problem sense, but when she finally comes back to some awareness, she’s on her side and cradled in Jamie’s arms and doesn’t remember getting there. Jamie, who’s leg is flung over hers and whose arousal is coating her thigh.

“Did you…” she reaches down, cups Jamie, finds her wet. Her words are slurred, and she doesn’t have any real strength in her limbs but she’ll be damned if she’s going to leave Jamie hanging.

“Uh, yeah, miss that did you?” Jamie laughs, kissing her head.

“Sorry. You kinda knocked me out.”

Jamie kisses her again. “You had me pretty worked up, kinda just happened.” She traces a finger over Dani’s thigh and she realises that it’s coated with the remnants of Jamie’s orgasm.

They lie together and it takes some time for their breathing to slow. Jamie pulls the covers up over them, pulling Dani in to her shoulder. Dani winces, hopes Jamie doesn’t notice. She will feel this tomorrow, she thinks, and relishes it. The reminder of how she spent her night echoing with every movement, every-time she sits down. She kinda loves it when that happens.

It occurs to her that this was probably the definition of a booty call. Hot, hungry sex on the back of a cheekily sent text message. They don’t talk about what it actually is, because Dani is too scared to ruin what is really, really working for her, and she knows that Jamie is easily spooked. All she knows is that she loves what they have.

She loves Jamie.

She also knows that Jamie is absolutely not ready to hear it yet, so she doesn’t say it. She doesn’t need to, because taking this one day at a time doesn’t feel like a problem. It doesn’t feel like a solution either. It just feels like a beautiful journey she’s happy to take, as long as she gets to take it with Jamie.

Just Jamie.

And the mind blowingly intense sex they apparently are going to be having along the way.

She pops up on her elbow, looks down to a cocked eyebrow and an expression that says ‘what?’

She traces a finger down Jamie’s jaw and tilts her head sideways to where a purple bruise is blooming just on the muscle where neck meets shoulder. Dani vaguely remembers putting it there sometime before Jamie flipped her over and fucked her into oblivion. Remembers enjoying it too.

“Sorry,” she murmurs.

Jamie laughs. “Now you’re sorry? I’ve had to buy three more high collared shirts. Owen keeps teasing me.”

Dani smiles. “Yeah, but, I don’t mean to. They just happen.”

  
Jamie grins, sleepily, pulling Dani back down to her shoulder and cuddling in. “I don’t mind. Doesn’t feel deliberate. Feels good.”

Dani sighs, drawing her fingers along Jamie’s sternum, softly in a way that won’t be construed as trying to start something up again.

“Jamie?”  
  


“Mmm.”

“Who was she?”

Despite all of her promises to herself, all of the little chats she’s had with her own brain about how she’s happy with what they have and to just go with it, her filter has decided to let that one through. It is possible that Jamie has fucked the sense out of her. Dani could positively kill her own brain right now.

“Who?”

“The girl who left the last hickey.” Oh well, she’s committed now.

Jamie’s hand stops moving on her shoulder. “Really?”

Dani hides her face in Jamie’s skin, suddenly blushing and embarrassed. “No. It’s OK. I’m just being stupid.”

It’s Jamie’s turn to move away slightly, prop herself up on an elbow and look down at Dani. Dani’s heart clenches and her stomach lurches, as she awaits the moment where Jamie will remove herself from the bed, leave, walk away because Dani has broken the precious non disclosure agreement.

“Dani.”

“It doesn’t matter. Seriously. Just forget I said anything.”

“I literally don’t remember her name,” Jamie says it softly, so softly Dani almost misses it. “When I said it was a mistake, I meant it.”

Dani looks up at her, and can’t help but reach fingers up to trace Jamie’s lips. Jamie doesn’t look like she’s about to flee.

“I was trying to burn something out. It didn’t work. I didn’t enjoy it, and I basically only remember being drunk and annoyed that she bit me.” Jamie laughs wryly. “I don’t remember her name.”

Dani nods. “It’s none of my business anyway.”

Jamie gives her a look, one that says, fondly, that Dani is an idiot. “I don’t know that there’s anyone who’s business it is more.” She looks down pointedly at their naked bodies lying flush.

Dani kisses her shoulder, because she doesn’t know what to say.

“Dani, I’m not seeing anyone else. Just so you know. I wouldn’t do that to you. I’m an asshole but I’m not that much of an asshole.”

This is the most that has ever been said between them on the topic, and it’s more than Dani could have hoped.

“Me either,” she says, though it probably could have gone unsaid. Jamie has to know this by now. “And you’re not an asshole.”

She gently pushes Jamie back till they’re lying in their usual position, Jamie on her back and Dani on her shoulder, tracing fingers across skin. She pushes her back before Jamie can protest. “I deleted the app.”

“OK.”

“And I’m not saying that to get something from you. I don’t need promises, but I just want you to know that I’m good with what we’re doing, whatever it is.”

Jamie doesn’t say anything, and after a long minute, Dani starts to worry that she’s said the wrong thing. That is, until she feels the soft press of a kiss to her head.

“Me too Poppins. Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special shout out to InYourBrain for letting me screech at her endlessly about Bly fic


	6. Fala: Amo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A twist of fate, a love embraced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot thank you guys enough for the amazing, amazing response that this fic has generated. Your comments have absolutely given me life and made this the best thing ever to write. 
> 
> A reminder that this is all Asesome89 prompt and this is all their fault. Hope I did it justice for you. 
> 
> Now back to my regular routine of smutty one shots and depressing commissions. 
> 
> Chapter title from Mother Tongue by Bring Me The Horizon cos it just fuckin' fit.

“Good God I’m tired.”

“Hi tired, I’m Owen, not a God though.” Owen grins at her and leans over the counter, sliding a glass of white wine at her without even being asked. “Just a humble barkeep.” Dani leans on the counter, wrapping her fingers around the stem of the glass and letting the day soak from her in the comfortable atmosphere. 

“Humble?” 

“Oh Miss Clayton you wound me.” He doesn’t look particularly wounded, smiling at her, polishing a glass with his ubiquitous cloth, eyes twinkling in the lamplight. 

Dani smiles at him teasingly, and is about to respond when she see’s his expression change. He’s looking to the doors and a shadow passes across as he frowns, so she turns to look. 

Jamie is outside the door, and though Dani cannot possibly see what she’s saying, she’s clearly very upset about it. Dani has no idea who the man she’s talking to is, though the way that he’s standing over Jamie makes Dani uncomfortable from here. She has enough time to stand up from the bar stool before Jamie is coming inside and Dani  then knows that something is terribly, terribly wrong. 

Jamie is crying. 

Not sobbing,  still silent,  but she can see hot tears falling from here and she’s never seen Jamie look  like this .  Angry, furious really, and shaking from the intensity of it. There’s something else, something lurking behind the anger too, and Dani doesn’t know what it is. A different beast. She steps forward, instinctive in her need to pull Jamie into her arms, soothe her,  _help_ her. 

“Back room,” Owen murmurs near her. “Definitely back room.” 

He comes around the bar, shepherds Jamie forward and Dani follows behind,  because Jamie is following Owen now, not even looking at Dani.  Jamie’s body language is  screaming: she’s stiff as a board, hands clenched, and Dani doesn’t know if she should touch her or not.  Her presence hasn’t been acknowledged, although in fairness, Jamie doesn’t appear to be focused on anything around her at the moment. 

The back room is small, and has a small couch and a desk, a few shelves. If there are other things in here Dani doesn’t know because her eyes are trained firmly on Jamie, who sits on the couch and buries her face in her hands. 

“Jamie…” Dani sits next to her, hand on her shoulder, unable not to touch. Worry is coursing through her. 

“Fucking filth.” Is what comes out, mumbled through fists and teeth. 

“Jamie what’s going on?” 

Jamie comes out then, holding her  hands in a tight fist in front of her,  elbows bent on knees and  looking up at Owen, not at Dani. Her eyes are red, cheeks flushed,  still stained with tear tracks and fury. “The Fergusons got rolled  Wednesday night .” 

Owen swears. 

“They ran the staff, of course.” Jamie grimaces, biting her lip. “Never going to end is it.” 

“You haven’t done anything wrong,” Owen says gently. 

“Doesn’t matter does it.” Jamie’s fists clench impossibly tighter. “Fucking shits.” 

There’s a moment of silence, Jamie shaking on the couch, Owen staring at her with concern and care, like he wants to fix something that’s apparently unfixable.

“What’s going on?” Dani asks quietly. This conversation has been in English. She’s understood every word, but she’s damned if they’ve made any sense to her when strung together so. She hasn’t minded being pushed to the periphery, but she can no longer keep her concern down to silence. 

Jamie looks at her, and it’s a look full of pain and anguish and Dani feels her chest tighten with it. 

“One of the families I work for was burgled.” She keeps looking at Dani with that same intensity. The same wary look, like her world is crashing down. “They always check the staff.” 

“I don’t understand, what does that mean?” 

Jamie looks at Owen then, almost  pleading, and then back to Dani. “I have form Dani.” 

Her expression must make it pretty clear that this information has not helped, because Jamie shakes her head, and gives a humourless laugh. “I’ve done time. Prison. Five years at Her Majesty’s Pleasure. Burglary and aggravated assault against a policeman.” 

There is a moment then, when none of them speak, and the information tendered hangs quietly between them. 

Dani raises an eyebrow. “You assaulted a policeman.” 

“That’s the bit you took in? In my defence he was about to break my friends arm, so I clocked him with a rubbish bin. They don’t really care for excuses courts generally. Especially when you were legging it with stolen goods.” 

Jamie looks down at her hands,  away from Dani, who can see hot tears still in her eyes. “Anyway.” 

Dani slides her hand down to Jamie’s arm, holding gently. “ OK, but that’s, I mean that’s old news. You’re not responsible  for this burglary  so we just tell them where you were on Wednesday and they’ll move on. ” It’s not a question, it’s a statement, and Jamie  turns back to  stare at her at length, searching Dani’s face for something. 

“I’m going back out front to let Hannah know where we are.” Owen says quietly. To Dani he mouths “call if you need” and then he’s gone. 

Dani has not taken her eyes off Jamie, who is still looking at her with fear, and torment, and still that simmering anger.  “You haven’t done anything wrong.  They can’t blame you for anything. ” 

“You sound so sure of that.” The bitterness in the statement may be Jamie’s, but Dani can taste it in the back of her own throat. 

“First, you said Wednesday night. Second, and more importantly, I know you didn’t.” 

Jamie  face almost crumbles then, as some of the anger seems to ebb away. It leaves a sadness that is painful to look at. “Don’t think the police are likely to be as certain as you Poppins.”  She buries her face in her hands for a second, scrubbing, as though it may clear all the tears from her face, and then comes out again. “They’ll not let go of a good suspect if they see one.” 

“Well you were with me all Wednesday night. I remember it well.” She gives her best teasing grin but it doesn’t work as intended. “So really you’re a lousy suspect. Not to mention the fact you didn’t do it.” 

“They don’t care.” 

“You have an alibi.” 

“I have form. Detective Stevens was very clear on that point. They always fucking are.” 

That this has clearly happened before doesn’t exactly come as a surprise. Dani feels her heart break just a little at the thought of Jamie going through this repeatedly. 

“Jamie. You were here with me, and then in my house, and then in my bed. Owen, Hannah, Tim and I can all vouch for you. I kissed you goodbye in the morning. I think I’d know if you popped out to do a bit of light burglary.” 

Jamie shakes her head. “It doesn’t matter how long it is, or how much I’ve done since, they’ll always find me.  I don’t need to have done anything wrong. They just need to tell the Fergusons they’re looking at me. Then they’ll tell the neighbours, and suddenly, my services won’t be required any more. It doesn’t matter.  None of it matters. Not why it happened the first time. Not that I’ve done my time. Not that I’ve kept my fucking nose clean since, none of it matters. One fucking word and they can just… blow my life to shit.” 

Dani moves, cups her hand on Jamie’s cheek, brings her up and picks up one tear with her thumb. “I think it matters more than anything. There are ways around this and we’re not giving up without a fight.” 

Jamie sniffs, presses her cheek in to Dani’s hand. “Dani… ” 

Dani moves closer,  her other  hand on Jamie’s knee. “Tomorrow we’re going to the station and we’re going to make a statement. Owen and Tim will come. Fuck them. Let them sort it out, you have nothing to hide and we’re not going to let them try. If we need to we’ll get a lawyer.  We threaten to sue for defamation if they make trouble. Jamie, we’re not giving up without a fight. ” 

Jamie is crying again now, tears spilling on to her cheeks as Dani wipes them away with her thumb. “Baby…” 

“I’m sorry,” Jamie whispers. “You don’t need this bullshit.” 

“Neither do you.” Dani cups Jamie’s face in her hands, kisses her gently despite the slightly soggy nature of her, and leans their foreheads together.

Jamie’s eyes close, as she presses in to Dani’s hands. It takes her a good long minute before she opens them again. “So we’re going to fight huh?” 

“We are.” 

“And you think it might be OK.”

“I do.” 

There’s a sigh, like the tiniest breath of wind on Dani’s lips. “OK.” 

Jamie’s hand squeezes her knee, and she nods slowly,  sniffing away her tears. There’s  maybe some  hope in her eyes now, and the trembling has subsided a little.  “ OK.  Thank you.” 

“I’ve got your back yeah.” 

“You do huh?” 

“You’d have mine.”   
  
Jamie smiles, her first of the evening. “Always.” 

“Well then, we’re a team.” 

“Feeling like I’m not allowed to argue with that one.” 

“Damn straight you’re not. Team Jamie. Not going down without a fight.” 

“You know, ten minutes ago I would have thought you were crazy but here you are, making me wonder if …” Jamie cuts off, looks at her like Dani may suddenly turn out to be an illusion. 

“We fight Jamie. No rolling over on this one.” 

J amie pulls back, feathering her fingers over Dani’s cheek with something  still akin to wonder and looking at her  almost like she  might disappear into thin air if not held in a gaze . “How are you so amazing.” 

“Pretty normal really.” 

Jamie shakes her head. “No, you’re definitely not. You’re anything but normal.” 

“Hey are you calling me weird?” 

Jamie chuckles. “You are a bit weird yeah, but also perfect and wonderful and… unexpected.” 

Dani narrows her eyes. “I’d take offense but you said all those nice things so now I don’t know what to think.” 

“I think you should take the compliment. I’ve never met anyone like you.” 

“I can take unique.” She rubs her hands over Jamie’s cheeks again, picking up the last of the salt and tear dust. 

Jamie sniffs, rubbing a sleeve under her nose.  She shakes her hands, steadying her breath a little. Dani recognises the motions, she’s done them herself too many times not to.  “Fuck.” 

Dani kisses her head, pulling her in. “What can I do to make it better. Not in general, just right now?” 

“This is good. Not having you walk away in disgust is pretty great to be honest.” Jamie gives her a watery smile. 

Da ni  freezes. She offers Jamie a look . It’s one of her best looks, she’s crafted it herself and it usually makes fourth graders tremble. “Seriously? Did you think I’d do that?”

“I’d hoped not, but it’s happened before.” Jamie, to her credit, looks a bit chagrined. She rubs her head and the disarming half grin she knows will get her out of trouble makes a hopeful appearance. 

Dani’s mouth opens and closes as she processes that information. It’s a few extra puzzle pieces to Jamie that suddenly fall in to place. Suspicions that now clarify with new insight.  She could be mad that Jamie would even tar her with the same brush, but instinctively she understands. 

“Then they were horrible people and not worth your time.” 

Jamie shakes her head, but she’s smiling  properly now,  slowly coming back in to herself.  “You realise that most people think it’s the ex-con who’s not worth their time.” 

“Then most people are chumps. People who don’t know you don’t count. You’re an amazing person Jamie, don’t sell yourself short. And we’re not going to let other people sell you short either.” 

“We huh?” 

“Yeah, team Jamie remember.” 

“I like the sound of that,” Jamie says, softly and carefully. She looks hopeful, which is a damn sight better than what she’s looked like thus far this evening. 

“I’m staying at your place tonight,” Dani says, with an authority that brooks no argument. 

“Inviting yourself?” Jamie says teasingly. 

“Yep. Deal with it.” 

“I can handle that,” Jamie says, the same soft careful tone. “Thank you.” 

“Nothing to thank me for.” 

“There is though. Thank you for being you. For being here.” 

D ani blushes, fights the urge to argue with the compliment, and instead stands up, holding her hand out. 

“Lets get a drink, then go home.” 

“Can’t go out there, I look like I’ve been crying.” 

“I don’t care, Owen won’t care, Hannah won’t care and everyone else can get fucked.” 

“Oh the mouth on you.” If Jamie is back to teasing, she must almost be back to her normal self.

“You’ve heard me say worse.” 

“Yeah, but usually I have my head buried between your legs so it’s contextually appropriate.” 

Dani rolls her eyes, pulling her out of the office. “Shut up and buy me a drink or I’ll give you some contextually appropriate language.” 

Jamie laughs. 

*************

Tim and Owen meet them at the police station at ten am, Jamie with her hand firmly in Dani’s. She’s been practically vibrating from nerves since six am. Frankly, Dani is pleased that she got Jamie to get any sleep at all. She’d clung like a limpet, sticking to Dani throughout the night, and they’d slept wrapped in each other under the gentle watch of Jamie’s plants. 

Dani has come to think of them as Jamie’s guardians, hovering over her from shelves and hanging baskets from various  corners of the apartment.  She likes them there, likes spending time under their watch. They’ve not helped Jamie today though, carrying herself so tightly Dani is worried she might break a rib. 

Owen is holding an envelope, and Dani gives him a curious look. 

“Security tape. Figured we’d give them as much as we could so they bugger off.” 

Jamie’s hand trembles in Dani’s,  s o it’s Dani that moves them forward, with purpose, not so much dragging Jamie but making sure that she’s coming along. In the station, it’s Dani who stands firmly in front of the counter and politely, but determinedly asks for Detective Stevens.  I t’s Dani who stands, unflinchingly square and still holding Jamie’s hand in her own, to meet him when he arrives. 

She does not like his smirk. 

“Come to confess something Miss Taylor?” 

“We’ve come to make statements,” Dani says bluntly. “We have three people here who can account for Jamie’s whereabouts on Wednesday night. We’d like to make the statements now so that this matter can be put to rest.” 

She’s not going to lie, she may have stolen some of her language from television, but she’s just going with it. Now seems like an excellent time to put up a good front. Tim and Owen stand with her, and for a second, it seems like Jamie is shrinking back, folding in to herself. She looks smaller than Dani has ever seen her. Her hand is firmly in Dani’s, and there’s a moment when she takes a deep breath and it’s then that Dani can see Jamie change. She can see the steel stiffen up her spine and the flint come back into her eyes. She squeezes Jamie’s hand lightly and loves the return pulse. They’re ready. 

“Well, I suppose you’d best come with me then,” says Detective Stevens. 

Dani really hates his smirk. 

They fill out their statements in the same room, pen to paper, one after the other. None of them talk, and if Dani’s dislike of the policeman had already been fairly prominent, her abhorrence of him was a magnitude higher at the end. He’d spent the time leaning back on a chair with his arms crossed, and an expression on his face that suggested they were all wasting their time. 

In the end he gathers up the papers and opens the door. 

“We’ll be in touch as we need.” 

Dani has had enough. She turns to him, hands on her hips. “Should you feel the need to be in touch, it can be through Miss Taylor’s lawyer. And Detective, if there’s a single shred of harassment here, there will be a formal complaint following, do I make myself clear.  Miss Taylor has explained herself adequately, and unless you have actual evidence, I suggest you don’t make a habit of getting in contact with her. ” 

Sometimes, Dani thinks, her teacher voice comes in handy. 

He just smiles at her, and shows them out. 

“Good God Poppins, remind me never to go up against you,” says Jamie when they emerge into the sunlight. “I think he was trembling in his brogues.” 

“He didn’t show it,” Dani said, bitter taste in her mouth and showing on her face, “what a consummate ass.” 

Tim grins. “Coppers, the same the world over eh. I have to run. Dinner tomorrow? Both of you? I’ve got someone I want you to meet?” 

“That sounds nice,” Dani smiles, and looks to Jamie who, she’s happy to note, nods in agreement. 

“I need to get back to the restaurant too. You going to be ok?” Owen looks at Jamie, then down at her hand which is laced with Dani’s, and smiles. “Text Hannah, she’ll be worried.” 

“You’re going to the same place, you can just tell her!” 

“She’ll want to hear it from you.” 

O wen is gone then, and Dani turns to Jamie,  swinging their joined hands slightly.  Just the two of them, on a Saturday morning, outside a police station. “Where to now?” 

Jamie sighs, runs her free hand through her hair.  Whatever bravado had stiffened her spine inside, she seems to have deflated again. “I kind of want to get drunk.” 

“We can do that, but it is eleven in the morning.” 

“Suns over the yardarm then,” Jamie shrugs. “Wouldn’t be the first time.” 

“I have no idea what you just said.” 

Jamie grins. “Come on. Let me take you to brunch. I promise I won’t get ripped but I really, really, _really_ could use a drink.” 

They find a convenient bistro, settle in, and Dani is having trouble taking her eyes of Jamie. She often has trouble taking her eyes off Jamie, because she’s so beautiful it stops time, but in this instant, it’s because she can’t fathom what’s going on behind those eyes. 

Jamie is usually a lot easier to read than she thinks she is. Dani has known for some time how Jamie  feels  about her. It’s almost the only reason that she’s been able to continue whatever it is this thing between them has become, without any discussion. Dani likes things to have names, to be in neat and orderly boxes. She also wants Jamie to have the time to come around to it herself. 

The fact that she has no idea what Jamie is thinking or feeling right now has her  slightly off kilter. 

Jamie takes a long sip of a beer and sighs. “ What a day. Hell, what a week.” 

Dani nods. “Are you alright?” 

Jamie tilts her head to one side, considering her reply carefully Dani thinks. “You know, I think I am.” 

“Good. Because it really is going to be OK.” 

“I almost believe you.” 

Dani is about to scold her, remind her yet again that she wasn’t about to let Jamie suffer for something she hasn’t done without a damn good fight, but Jamie frowns and fishes her phone out of her pocket instead. 

“Hang on a tick.” 

It’s Dani’s turn to frown as she watches Jamie walk away, answering her phone quietly and calmly. The truth is that Dani doesn’t know that everything is going to be OK. She isn’t naive enough to think that just because Jamie has nothing to answer for, doesn’t mean that people aren’t going to come and ask unfair questions. 

She also really wants to know about the  use of the  rubbish bin, but is pretty sure that now isn’t the time to ask. 

She chews her thumb thoughtfully, and stares at her half full soda glass until Jamie finally comes back. She looks, oddly enough, calmer. 

“All good?” 

“Mmm. That was Henry, my boss.” Jamie sits down, sitting in her chair in the usual casual way that exuded confidence and always made Dani smile at her mere presence. “I thought I’d let him know what was going on before someone else did. Always good to get the first stab in yourself.” 

“I bet he didn’t stab you.” 

“No, he didn’t,” Jamie says, softly and carefully, like she’s still holding it in her mind with trepidation, in case it disappears to be replaced by a less savoury option. “He told me that he’d make sure everyone knows that I’m beyond reproach, and that he would have someone from his firm contact me in case I needed representation.” 

“That’s some admirable loyalty.” Dani smiles. “And I’m sure nothing more than you deserve.” 

“Lots of that going around today apparently.” 

“Oh?” 

“Well I didn’t exactly wake up yesterday thinking that my girlfriend would end up trying to slay dragons for me, but you know, I think I can go along with it.” 

Jamie is giving her a teasing grin, like her words haven’t slid into Dani’s chest and squeezed until her breath is warm with delight. She smiles back, and knows that her pleasure is writ in every pore, every dimple, every single part of her face.  She wonders if Jamie knows that she’s asked a question and not made a statement. Doesn’t matter really. 

“Just give me a sword and I’m good to go.” 

“I’m kind of hoping my ill spent youth won’t be throwing up too many more dragons to be honest.” She looks exhausted by the very thought. 

Dani knows a few things, not many, just comments dropped here and there by Jamie and Owen along the way. She knows that Jamie spent time in foster care, comes from a broken family, and has had to look after herself for a very long time. There’s so much unsaid, but also so much that didn’t need to be said. The dots may have been scarce but Dani  is perfectly capable of joining them together. 

“We’ve all done things we regret to get through situations we couldn’t control.” She reaches across the table and takes Jamie’s hand in hers. “Can’t promise that mine won’t pop up some time either. Isn’t that true for everyone?” 

“Pretty sure yours didn’t end in prison.” 

“It might if my mother and I ever have a proper conversation.” 

Jamie smiles. “I’ll show you how to throw a rubbish bin. You need some practice with the aim.” 

Dani runs her thumb over Jamie’s hand. There’s a small scar there, she’s noticed a few times, tucked in the flesh between Jamie’s thumb and forefinger. Slowly and carefully over the last  few months she’s been cataloging the scars on Jamie. The urge to know her, inside and out, upside down and around, isn’t one Dani is planning on fighting. 

“You want to get some food. We don’t have any plans for the rest of the day do we?” 

“I could probably eat.” 

“When was the last time you did?” 

“Yesterday lunch,” Jamie says sheepishly. 

“You’ve had half a beer, how are you not on the floor already?” 

Jamie shrugs. “Built up a tolerance. It’s light beer anyway. I wasn’t serious about getting drunk.” 

Dani hands over a menu. “Well, the afternoon is yours so we can if you like. Might plan on doing it at Owen’s though, so I can have some help carrying you home.” 

Jamie looks at her, with a dappled smile and eyes that look much calmer and happier than they have in twenty four hours. Dragons not yet slayed but sent to the corner to think about what they’ve done. “You really would wouldn’t you, carry me home.” 

“Yeah. You’ve had a day of it, we can do what you need to do.” 

Her hand is still in Jamie’s, and a thumb is stroking along it, which Dani refuses to admit is extremely distracting because now is really not the time for her apparently infallible libido to say hello. 

“I think I’d prefer to spend the afternoon in bed actually.” 

“Need a nap?” Dani can feel the answering clench inside her, refusing to look up over the menu to see what she knows will be Jamie’s very specific look. She bites the inside of her cheek, waiting on a response. 

“Eventually.” 

**************************

S IX MONTHS LATER 

If Jamie’s knee was to bounce any faster, Dani thinks  her leg might detach itself at the hip. She knows nervous tics, has a tendency toward some herself, but this is getting ridiculous. She places her hand on it gently but firmly until it stops, and consequently the chair and desk also stop vibrating too. 

“Sorry.” 

“S’ok. You know you have nothing to worry about right.” 

“Ha! As if -”

“Well, all of the paperwork is indeed in order. We just need to get some signatures on a few key documents and then it should be all squared away.” 

Dani and Jamie both turn to look at the gentleman as he enters back into the office. His office, in point of fact. 

“It’s… it’s approved then?” 

Dani doesn’t think she’s ever heard Jamie sound so uncertain before. 

“Oh, yes, of course. As I said your business plan was the tightest I’ve ever seen. Never really in doubt. Congratulations Miss Taylor, you are now in possession of a business loan.” 

Jamie looks, for want of a better description, like a stunned mullet. She signs the paperwork in bewildered silence as they’re passed one by one under her pen, and then accepts the proffered handshake. There are some murmured thanks, but Dani can tell that Jamie still hasn’t quite absorbed the information until they’re back out on the street. 

“He … he did say I got it right?” 

Dani laughs. “Yes baby. You got it.” She pulls Jamie in for a hug, not caring less where they are. “Of course you got it.” 

“Fuck.” 

Dani just laughs again. “ Want to go celebrate? I have the whole day off. ” 

“I can’t believe you took a whole day to come with me.” 

“Of course I did. You could barely speak.” 

Jamie elbows her in the ribs. “I did just fine.”

“You did better than fine, but I wanted to be here with you.” 

Jamie shakes her head. “I got it. I actually got it.” 

“Yep. Where to? Owen’s?” It’s a busy road and Dani really can’t be bothered standing on it for that much longer. 

“Yeah. Maybe. Can we go past mine first?” 

“Of course.” 

There’s something about London that Dani inherently loves. Part of it is the fact that it’s so big, and so busy that no one cares what anyone else is doing. It means she can walk hand in hand with her girlfriend on a Tuesday morning and not worry in the slightest. They can sit together on the tube, tangle fingers lightly up the escalators  (keeping to one side, naturally) , and no one bats an eyelid. It is, Dani thinks, a significant improvement on Iowa. 

Jamie’s flat is the same slight mess it was when they left it that morning. Dani fights the urge to tidy it up, though she’s done so many times under the rolling eyes of her girlfriend. She tries to respect that this is Jamie’s space, and Jamie isn’t as focused on neatness as she is. Not that she’s overly messy, and certainly not dirty, just not as absolute about the need for the bed to be made first thing every morning. 

Jamie looks restless still, placing her keys on the counter and turning back to Dani with her hands in her pockets. 

“You ok?” 

“Uh. I have something for you.” 

“Oh yeah?” Dani smiles. 

Jamie reaches in to her pocket and pulls out a small envelope, handing it to Dani with both hope and trepidation writ large in her eyes. She shakes out a small object in her hand. It’s a keyring, with no key attached. A small white flower, an orchid maybe Dani thinks, made in silver and enamel. It’s beautiful, and very confusing.  She hands it over to Dani, who runs a finger over it lightly. A moonflower – Jamie’s favourite flower. 

“I’m not used…” Jamie starts, and then stops. “I haven’t…” 

Dani wants to take a step forward, place her hands on Jamie’s arms and ground her. Instead she stands  still , waiting, knowing that some things just take time. With Jamie, she has all the time in the world. 

“I got used to not wanting things. Never seemed to get them anyway, and when I did, they got taken away pretty fast.” Jamie runs a rough hand through her hair. “Kind of got used to expecting the worst and being happy when it wasn’t so bad you know.” 

Dani nods. 

“Thing is, I’ve been thinking maybe it’s changing. Changed. All of it, for awhile. And since I met you. Couldn’t help myself really.” 

“Jamie,” she says it soft, with the warmth that’s radiating out of both of them. 

“I tried really hard not to want you, and then I tried really hard not to let myself fall and I couldn’t stay away. You were too much to walk away from and I couldn’t.” Jamie looks like she’s about to cry and laugh at the same time. “And I’m thinking maybe, maybe I don’t need to. Maybe this time, I can let myself have this. Have us. Because, the truth is, well, I’m pretty in love with you as it turns out. And I know I’m not great at saying what I’m feeling, but I can work on that.” 

Dani breaks then, because it’s impossible not to, walking to her and wrapping her up, pulling her in, forehead to forehead, grinning like an idiot. “I love you so much.  Jamie I love you so, so much. ” 

Their kisses are sloppy, wet,  messy,  and the best Dani has ever had. She doesn’t realise that she’s crying too, until more kisses than can be counted have passed. Eventually she pulls back, looks down at the small weight in her hand and then looks back up at Jamie, hoping for an explanation. 

“So um, my land is pretty far from here. Kinda on the outskirts yeah, so that’s where I’ll base my business. And I looked at the train maps, and um, if I was to get a flat nearer to Croydon, well, the commute would make more sense and it turns out that’s on the same line as your school.” 

Dani feels her heart burst in her chest.  “Jamie Taylor are you asking me to move in with you?” 

“Kind of was yeah.” 

She cups Jamie’s face in hers, kissing her again, still soppy and still filled with every particle of love she can get to flow from her lips. They grow, as they usually do between them, slightly heated and her grunt of annoyance when Jamie pulls away draws a chuckle. 

“Can I have an answer before you rip my clothes off and ravage me?” 

Dani rolls her eyes. “Yes. Of course I’ ll move in with you. ” 

“Excellent.” 

A s Jamie’s nimble fingers start unbuttoning her blouse, and her mouth dips to Dani’s neck with a growl  Dani sighs and runs her fingers through Jamie’s curls. Jamie’s hands are under her shirt now, rucking it up and sliding to her ribs, short nails scratching. 

She closes her eyes, and lets the bliss carry her away, the scent and feel of Jamie surrounding her like a warm embrace.

Love, she thinks. 

Definitely worth the chance. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I miss them already.


	7. Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can Jamie actually bloody do it this time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't lie, I promise. It was done. It was complete. Then CPR said something in her reviews about revisiting these two in the future and my brain wrote this and HAVE YOU SEEN THEIR COMMENTS? THEY'RE FRICKIN LITERARY ESSAYS. 
> 
> So I couldn't not. 
> 
> Fluff with a small serving of smut. 
> 
> CPR mate, this one is definitely for you. 
> 
> Edited by me so yay for mistakes

“Fuck, ow, fuck,” Jamie hops across the kitchen, shaking her stubbed toe and trying to juggle the two things in her hands without falling over.

“Careful there, you’re going to injure yourself,” Owen says helpfully on the other end of the video call.

“Too late, toes cactus.” Jamie puts the vase down on the table and scurries back to the kitchen. “Dammit, where is it, I know it’s here somewhere…. Aha!”

She holds up the lighter, stowed in the back of a drawer.

“To think you’d have trouble finding that.”

“Yeah well, quit didn’t I. Six months.”

“Proud of you.” He sounds it.

She stops for a second, pinching the bridge of her nose and slowing her own breathing. “Am I crazy?”

“Absolutely, indubitably, without question.”

“Thanks,” she replies dryly.

“But for this? No. Absolutely not.”

“Feels like it.”

“Jamie, you’re being ridiculous. That girl loves you more than breathing. Calm down, you can do this.”

Jamie takes a deep breath. “Can’t believe I’m doing this.”

“You love her just as much.”

“Different though, isn’t it. Love and marriage. It’s like I’m saying _hi I love you lots can I own you._ ”

Owen smiles fondly. “Marriage isn’t about ownership Jamie, not a good one. It’s about partnership, about promises and teamwork.”

“Haven’t exactly had the best role models I suppose.” She leans against the counter, surveying her efforts on their tiny dining table. Candles, best china, good wine, the flowers grown by herself – not a bad showing.

“Well you’ve been fantastic role models so maybe everything has to start somewhere?” He tilts the phone so that Jamie can see Hannah over his shoulder, tucked down into an arm chair drinking tea and reading a book.

“You’re right. I am a paragon of relationship virtue.”

“I’m not sure I’d go that far.”

“Trying to romance the heck out of Dani here, can we focus?”

“Seriously though, you’re doing the right thing. You’ve been thinking about this for ages. What is this, attempt four?”

“Three thank you very much. And, yeah, I know. She’s… she’s my person. I know that. The lock to my key, and all that jazz.”

“The Jed to your ward.”

Jamie freezes and stares at him for a very, very long second before carefully saying “Hannah, I’m going to kill your boyfriend with his own frying pan.”

“So long as you clean up the mess dear,” comes the reply from the chair in the background. Hannah continues reading without looking up, completely nonplussed.

The doorbell rings.

“Show time,” Owen grins.

“That’s the food you prat. Dani’s not ringing her own doorbell.”

“Oh thank god you didn’t cook.”

“I want her to marry me, not die of food poisoning. Hang on a second.” She puts him down, opening the door and picking up the paper bags sitting on the mat, delivery person disappearing down the hall.

“What did you get?” Owen yells from the kitchen bench, his voice on speaker tinny at a distance.

“Thai.”

“Good choice.”

“Thanks, I was desperate for your approval.” She opts to leave the food in the containers to keep it warm, she doesn’t know how long Dani is going to be.

“I could have talked you through making something you know.”

“Then I would have had to go grocery shopping at fancy places. It’s a fucking pandemic mate, not happening. Besides, I want her to enjoy dinner.”

“You’re not that bad in the kitchen.”

“I can burn water.” She looks around their small two bedroom apartment and rubs her hands on her pants. “I think it’s done. I’m set.”

“Good. Jamie?”

“Mmm.”

“Don’t chicken out this time, you know your heart.”

She nods, throat dry and tears scratching at her eyeballs. “Thanks.”

“Go get em tiger.”

She says goodbye to both of them now, swallowing her fear and worry down into her throat where it sticks and she starts to panic, now that she’s alone in her apartment. In _their_ apartment. Times being what they are, they’d spent a lot more time in this little space than either of them had anticipated. The tiny second ‘bedroom’ had been turned into a tiny zoom classroom for Dani’s work, all done via distance learning.

Jamie, who should have by rights had a massive downturn in business, found herself nearly sold out of seedlings with everyone in London wanting to make their own little vegetable and herb garden. The money had been good, necessary, paid for the bloody ring sitting in her pocket. Her landscaping business, along with her tiny greenhouse on a tiny plot of land, is doing well.

And this, their space, was home in a way that Jamie had never truly had a home before. Everything they were bled into each other and Jamie _loved_ it. Jamie had filled the space with plants, Dani had named them. Dani had brought home a stray kitten, Jamie had named it Buttons and now it was asleep on the window seat, snoring quietly.

A global pandemic, it turned out, was a really good way to find out whether or not you and your newly shacked up girlfriend could merge well. Turned out they could, they really could. They _do._ For a year, stuck in the same small spaces together and they mesh so well.

So well, Jamie wants to do it forever.

She rubs her palms over her thighs again and checks the bench _again_ to make sure it’s there. Of course it is, she hasn’t moved it.

The door clicks, Dani’s key turning and Jamie’s heart speeds up to danger levels.

Showtime.

“Hey, sorry it took so long, they wanted to…” Dani stops. “What’s this?”

She’s looking at the set up, the romantic candle lit table and Jamie, in slacks and a nice shirt looking sheepish leaning against the kitchen counter.

“Uh, wanted to do something nice?” She’s trembling, and Dani is smiling, that understanding loving smile that she keeps just for Jamie, and Jamie is still shaking.

“That’s so lovely. Oh my god, I’m totally not dressed for a romantic dinner.”

She’s in a skirt and blouse and cardigan and Jamie is pretty sure she’s never been more beautiful, but then, Jamie likes her best when she’s wearing nothing but a sheet, a smile and the sheen of Jamie’s love written across her skin.

“You’re perfect,” she murmurs. Always is to Jamie.

“Let me get changed, I won’t take a minute.”

“Dani.” She takes a step forward, the world spinning around her as all she can see is her girlfriend, beautiful, flushed skin from the cold outside, standing in front of her.

“Seriously, you’ve gone to so much work, let me try and look the part.”

“Marry me.”

The world spins and spins as the words fall out of her mouth. This perfect, wonderful, amazing woman who has brought so much love and light into Jamie’s life stares at her, as the words fall out of her mouth.

“Fuck,” Jamie lunges for the bench. “Didn’t mean it to go like that, hang on.”

“Jamie,” it’s said with wonder and a hint of confusion, and love.”

Jamie grabs the tiny little bud vase with the unopened flower and digs in her pocket. She balances the Claddagh ring on top and approaches. She can feel the unshed tears welling in her eyes, sees them in Dani, who is still looking at her with a whole constellation of emotion on her face.

“I love you. More than I thought I could ever love another person. Life is, unpredictable. I don’t know how it’s going to go, but I do know that where ever it goes, I want it to be with you.”

“Oh…” Dani covers her mouth with her hands. Eyes glisten, cheeks flushed, she stares at the proffered flower, a moonflower, with the ring delicately balanced on top. “Jamie…”

Jamie swallows, holds, prays.

Eventually, she breaks. “Uh…”

“Yes. God yes, a million times yes.” Dani launches forward, catching her around the waist and wrapping around her. The ring is balanced so precariously it goes falling to the ground, tinkling on the fake wood floor and Jamie doesn’t care. She puts the vase down and engulfs Dani, pulling her in, holding her as close as she can.

“Yes?” Her ears are still ringing with the answer.

“Jamie of course yes.” They’re kissing now, tear filled, smiling, messy kisses that make her shake with the intensity of their love. Small, pressing kisses that fill the room and Jamie’s heart and everything good that could be in the world flows into her.

She said yes.

Not that she’d really had any doubts but she said yes.

“God, the ring,” Dani pulls back.

  
“Leave it,” Jamie tries to pull her back, not wanting to let go, wanting to keep kissing and absorbing and never let go.

“No, Buttons might eat it.”

So Dani hunts, and finds, near the table leg, picking it up and holding it in her hand like a true wonder. “Oh god it’s so beautiful.”

Jamie takes it from her, finds her left hand and slides it on. “If you put the heart point towards the fingers, it means you’re engaged. When you’re married, you point it towards the wrist.”

  
Dani turns then, and Jamie is pleased that she’s back in her arms, wrapped, warm, burying her nose in Jamie’s neck and holding her so close.

“I love you,” she whispers into golden hair. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

Dani pulls back, watery grin and hand raising to Jamie’s cheek to stroke. “Best Tuesday ever.”

Jamie laughs, mostly at herself. “It was supposed to be more romantic.”

“Most romantic thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“There’s, food, dinner.” She waves an arm at the table and the take-out still sitting in paper bags on the bench. “Thai, got your favourite. Oh and Owen helped me make dessert.”

Dani, to her credit, doesn’t look _too_ worried about that, though she can’t banish the concern completely from her face.

“Don’t panic, didn’t require cooking just… making. Seems to have survived being made by me anyway.”

“Can it keep?”

Dani is looking at her, that same wonderous, gorgeous, beautiful expression she’s held since Jamie’s words fell out of her mouth, but with a specific glint in her eye that Jamie knows all too well.

“It can,” her voice lowers a register. “And dinner can absolutely be reheated. Some say it even tastes better that way.”

“Perfect,” and Dani is kissing her again, tip of her tongue sliding out to press against Jamie, whisper touches along her lips, dance with her own.

This dance is so familiar now, and as exhilarating every time. There isn’t a surface of this flat that hasn’t been blessed by their love at some point or another, but Jamie doesn’t want to end this on the floor.

She walks them backwards, fingers digging gently in to Dani’s hips as the kiss deepens, hungry and hot. They break apart when Dani’s back hits the wall, a noise squeaking from Dani’s mouth. Jamie wants to keep moving, heading for the bedroom, but she has to stop now, taste the skin of Dani’s jaw and slide down, kissing the column of her perfect neck.

Dani moans, a sound that thrills through Jamie’s blood every time. She ruffles her hands down, undoing the first three buttons of Dani’s blouse before lifting the whole thing up and over, throwing it to one side.

Creamy skin, so ready for her mouth, so ready to be reddened and bitten and kissed, is right there. With her last shred of self-control, Jamie grabs Dani’s hand and hauls her to the bedroom. Clothes fly, because Jamie needs to be as close as she can get and Dani seems to have the same idea. They laugh, as their hands get in each others way until finally, Jamie is stripping Dani’s underwear down her legs, watching them getting kicked to the side, before laying her back on the bed, hovering over her.

The groan that emanates when they’re skin to skin, flush and slick against each other, is shared between them.

“So beautiful,” Jamie murmurs. “You’re so damn beautiful. I love you.”

Their legs tangle, moving hips and dancing. She can feel Dani wet against her thigh as she kisses down again. She wants it all, wants everything, wants to take her time and taste all of her. Dani, as usual, has other ideas, her hips canting as her nails score down Jamie’s back.

Jamie grabs her wrists, gently pins them above her head. It makes Dani’s body stretch, arch into hers in a way that’s entirely too pleasing. Jamie uses it to spend more time on Dani’s neck, her ear, whispering words she know will take Dani higher. Whispering all the things she wants to do with her, things that will take her all night. And love, whispering so much love.

Their fingers lace, even above Dani’s head as they’re pressed into the sheets, Jamie’s thigh against her now, moving with a friction calculated to ramp up without giving in.

“Please,” Dani whimpers. “Touch me, Jamie touch me.”

One hand runs down, stops to thumb Dani’s bottom lip, dipping in between teeth making her own centre clench. She moves it down the elegant column of a neck, thumbing over a throbbing pulse point, knowing the kind of control that makes Dani’s eyes roll back in her sockets when Jamie uses it. She keeps moving, palming one perfect breast and rubbing over an already straining nipple.

Too hard to do all the things she wants to do. She wants to watch the pleasure bloom on Dani’s face, swallow the breaths and whines and pleas as they escape perfect, kiss stung lips. She can’t do that and also taste so she has to make a choice. She chooses to taste, to run her mouth down, leaving hands on the bed, as she wraps her lips around a nipple, wraps Dani’s legs around her waist and bites down.

“Oh god.” Dani whimpers, hands winding in Jamie’s hair.

Dani, who is soft and writhing beneath her. Dani who tastes like heaven, feels like silk, and who is currently rolling her over.

Dani, who makes her world tremble and her heart beat out of her chest. She’s the most beautiful thing that Jamie has ever seen, here straddling her and looking down. Dani, who is no longer so shy and knows exactly how to take Jamie apart, atom by atom. Dani, who not four weeks ago tied her to the bed with unexpected rope and tortured her with pleasure until she was sure her skin would melt away.

Dani, who she wants forever.

They move, and roll, hands reaching and stroking, arching, nails scoring. There is give and take and whimpering delight, with mouths and teeth and tongue.

  
There is Dani, under her tongue, in her mouth, sobbing her pleasure out on Jamie’s name, hands fisted in her hair, because Jamie can’t wait to make her come any more. She can’t wait until those noises, those filthy, desperate, darling little noises that Dani makes, fill her ears and the room and their whole space.

There is Dani, arching, crying out again when Jamie removes her mouth after the first orgasm, thrusts into her, curling and pushing. Dani who is grasping her arm, begging, wild eyed and slick with sweat at the thought of more. Jamie, moving against her, wanting so much to just keep giving and giving and giving until they can’t move.

There is Dani, coming again, around her fingers and barely coming down off the high before she’s on Jamie, in Jamie, around her.

It should, Jamie thinks, be said that there is nothing more romantic than two people who cannot get close enough to slow down. Two people who don’t want to own, or steal or take, but want to merge and join, and give and give and give.

There is a lot to be said for incredibly hot, no holds barred, too many orgasms to count post-proposal sex.

There comes a point when they can no longer move, an exhausted pile of limbs, hair, hands and mouths draped around each other with slowing breaths and trembling fingers.

“I’m pretty sure dinner is cold,” Jamie says, pressing kisses to Dani’s shoulder. Perhaps it isn’t romantic to take such things into account but her stomach is rumbling and her body has other needs that now need to be sated other than with Dani.

“Worth it,” Dani laughs back. “So worth it.”

“I’ll heat it up and come back.”

When she wanders back in with dinner on two plates, she finds Dani sitting cross legged, still without a stitch of clothing, gently touching the ring on her left finger. It makes Jamie’s heart lurch in the best way.

“OK?”

Dani gives her an easy grin. “You really have to ask?”

Jamie hands her a plate and settles herself down. They don’t usually eat in bed but then, they don’t usually eat dinner stark naked and fairly immediately post coital. “I think I’m still a little in shock.”

“Is now the time I point out that you asked me so I’m the one that should be surprised?”

Jamie doesn’t know how but Dani manages to look attractive with a mouthful of noodles.

“Consider my history. It’s not like I ever thought I’d be sitting here, eating Pad See Ew with the most beautiful woman in the world just after she’s agreed to marry me. At best I thought I’d be eating crisps in Owen’s bar for the rest of my life.”

“I mean, we can do that too, when all this nonsense is over.”

The nonsense. The global pandemic that turned everyone’s lives up and down. In the grand scheme of things, they’ve gotten lucky. They hadn’t felt that way in March when Hannah had been one of the first people to end up in ICU, but she’d recovered and as a consequence, Owen had gotten off his ass and asked her out. Somehow, despite the world roiling around them, it almost felt like Jamie’s life had gotten better. Unfair, she knew.

“You realise you’re going to have to meet my mother now.”

Jamie freezes, a fork halfway to her mouth. “Oh no.”

Dani laughs. “She’s going to want to be at my wedding.”

“I mean… she might not?” Jamie makes a face. “She wasn’t exactly happy to find out that you weren’t shacked up with a bloke named James.”

“I guarantee that she’s not missing my wedding, even if it is to you.”

“Thanks,” Jamie arches an eyebrow. “Can we please wait until the pandemic is over in that case. At least for safety purposes.” The unspoken truth of Karen Clayton’s Trump voting, Covid-denialist beliefs sweeps quietly through the room.

“Yes. Although… might be an excellent way to avoid having her there at all.” Dani’s voice is small, thoughtful, but Jamie has known her long enough now to understand. She pops a hand on her knee.

“We’re not getting married without your mum Poppins. You love her and you need her there.”

“I love her and I _want_ her there. The only person I’ll _need_ there will be you. And Hannah. And Owen. Otherwise, all good.”

“I’d suggest running away to a registry office in shorts and then disappearing to a secluded location to be naked for two weeks but I think that’s more my kind of wedding than yours.”

Weddings. Jamie Taylor is discussing weddings. Not any wedding either, her own. It’s both surreal and delightful in equal measure.

“You mean I get my dream of a huge white dress and a thousand people in an enormous cathedral?” Dani says the words with big round eyes and breathless abandon until Jamie taps her gently on the nose.

“Sure. Why not.”

It takes a few seconds before Dani cracks, bursting out in an honest to god giggle. “Maybe not hey. We’ll work it out.”

“We have time,” Jamie says, crawling over the bed after putting her own plate on the floor. She takes Dani’s and puts it on the floor too.“We have tons of time.”

Dani cups her face, kissing her gently on the lips, soft and sweet, soy and coriander. “Forever.”

Jamie feels the hot thrill run through her at the words. Forever. She remembers a time when the very idea of someone saying that to her would have been enough to make her run. Now, it doesn’t feel like enough time at all. She tips Dani backwards, hands in her hair, lips on lips, laying them down until all she can feel is skin on skin, a soft whispered feeling.

“I love you,” she whispers, running her nose along Dani’s, staring in to those blue, blue eyes. “So much.”

“Forever,” Dani whispers again.

“Forever,” Jamie agrees.


End file.
